Darkstarian Discourse & Diversions

Yet Another Wild Saturday Night...

2012-01-28T22:17:00.002-06:00

I'm going to go take a bath in a few minutes, hoping that will warm my body and calm my mind enough that I can sleep. I have a friend who says she doesn't find baths relaxing. I guess I just have a lot of practice.

Today was not the most productive day. I had the good fortune to be able to get the oil changed in the car on Friday so I didn't have to get up early this morning to do it. I went out to pay the rent, get the mail and take 2 trips to the dumpster but otherwise, I've been in my apartment all day long and yet, I didn't get much done.

I'm not sure why, I've just been really down/depressed/unmotivated today. There is no particular reason that I should be any of those things, I guess I am just wondering what my purpose in life is and am angry with myself for being so dangerously close to 45 years old with no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I keep hoping that there really is a great novel in my brain and that if I keep working on it, eventually I will come up with something worth reading. And so, I keep writing. They say that practice makes perfect and so I just keep pounding the keyboard and hoping that there will be a flash of inspiration that will come along.

I read a few articles about blogging. According to them, I'm doing this whole thing wrong. And maybe I am. There are so many fascinating blogs out there. So, what can I write about that will be fascinating/captivating? That is the sort of thing that keeps me up at night. I ponder what it all means and where my place is in all of it.

But I think when you spend your Saturday night having a serious conversation (is it a conversation if only one of you actually talks?) with your cat about her tail that maybe you need to be thinking about doing something more with your life. Which I'll start on tomorrow. Tonight..

Just a bath.

And that...

Is ok.

Days of Wine and Rhinos

2012-01-24T19:23:00.003-06:00

It's Tuesday night so I am at the wine bar with my lappie and trying to do some writing whilst sipping wine. There is a politician here and I guess they are waiting for the State of the Union address to come on.. or maybe it's over... I don't know. And there are going to be speeches (because where there are politicians, there are speeches, right?) It kindve really sucks because I have no desire listen to speeches. I DO have the desire to be disruptive. I am, however, behaving myself.

I am also eating a Nutella Cupcake. It is orgasmically delicious. I have been lusting after the Nutella Cupcake since I first knew it existed. And it was every bit as good as I had imagined that it would be.

At least the speeches were short. And are now over. And I actually like the candidate. I don't think he'll get elected, mind you, but I like him. He's the sort of person I'd like to have as, say, Governor even though he is running for Senate. Oh well, all things in due time, I suppose.

I will need to get to bed at a decent time tonight because I WAY overslept this morning. And then when I got out of bed I stepped right in the pile of cat barf. Nice. Way to start the day. I know I am sortve under the gun tonight because of being out and about.

It is raining outside. Sheets of rain. Torrents of rain. And I will have to drive home in that eventually. But for now, I will enjoy the afterglow of cupcake and the tasty hard cider and the fact that, at the moment, I am warm and dry.

So late I almost forgot a title

2012-01-22T23:47:00.003-06:00

Ok, so... 11:45 on Sunday still counts as getting back here this weekend, right?

Saturday was not the most productive day ever. I got the tub/shower cleaned out but honestly, not much else got done on Saturday. Well, ok, a little progress on the Closet Project so if I have the need, I can at least fake that being on stage 2. I have an absolutely tragic amount of trash that needs to be taken out.

This week will be relatively quiet. I really have nothing planned save getting cat food tomorrow night and going to the writer's group on Tuesday night so really, things should be pretty calm this week.

Today was VERY busy. Went to the Art Museum this morning and went through the Gaultier exhibit which made me aware of how tragically little I know about fashion. And then went to the mall for a trip to Teavana which was, as always, interesting. I didn't even spend any money so yay me! And then we went to LUSH (because the people I was with hadn't ever been) and then we went to Paper Source and I sortve wanted everything there and then... ummm... all I really remember after that was there was a lot of walking involved and it isn't like when I go with the POSSLQ and can beg to sit down so the last couple of stores that my friends went in I sat outside on the bench and people watched and listened to the little kid lobby to go to grandma's rather than whoever the other person was that his mother wanted to drop him off with.

On the up side, I did get my hair washed today (I am sure you are thrilled that I shared that with you) so I won't have to do that in the morning and I need to remember to reset my alarm clock because I set it for this morning and I really think the boss will be annoyed if I don't even wake up until 9AM.

This weekend has really made me think... about things I don't usually think about. Which is good in many ways and sort of frightening in others as it is any time you reach outside of your comfort zone.

Sliding into the weekend...

2012-01-19T23:06:00.003-06:00

It's been an incredibly busy week. I've been out late every night so far and tomorrow night will be a late night, too. I am going to bed after I post here because I need to get some sleep and it is already about an hour after I should have been in bed.

Tomorrow is another trip to the Art Museum. I am already worrying about what to wear and about how to not look completely frazzled going out after work. So, tomorrow might prove a challenging day.

I really have no plans for the weekend except for working on housework. Not too exciting, but needs to be done. I also have some chili a friend made that I'm going to try over the weekend and am thinking about perhaps another round of cheese soup or maybe some beef stew. Something I can make in the crockpot that I can parcel out into several meals that are easy so when I come home and am tired I don't find myself frustrated that everything I have to eat is just too much work. I know that sounds lazy, but after a long day, the last thing I want to think about is having to put a meal together. I find that I have a hard time working up any enthusiasm for cooking for just myself. The up side to that is not cooking much leads to not eating much so maybe there is some potential for weight loss. Huzzah!

Ok, off to bed now. I will try to get back this weekend and blog again!

No Holiday For Me

2012-01-17T01:29:00.003-06:00

I did not have the day off work today. It was Martin Luther King Day, just in case anyone was wondering and the day in question is January 16th. Because I am pretty sure I don't know what day it is which is pretty awful for as early in the week as it is (assuming that it is early in the week which, since this is, I think, the wee hours of Tuesday morning it is only Tuesday, FFS).

Anyhow, I should be in bed now but I'm not. I am not in bed because I worked late by accident and then I had to get cat food (this was NOT optional) and by the time I finished at the grocery store it was nearly 8:30 and then I had to get home, put the groceries away, feed the chinchilla, feed the cat and then start doing all the things that needed to be done which included having some dinner which ended up being freeze dried peaches and Flipz which I am moderately certain sortve nutritionally cancel each other out and factor in some worry time when I heard from Mr. POSSLQ who thought they were exiling him to the road for another whole month but then he mentioned to them that he's already been on the road just short of forever and could he please have some home time and I guess they reconsidered and scheduled him for home time in about 10 days which is way more do-able than another whole month but still, it's winter and people, in general, are idiots when it comes to winter driving if there will be any sort of precipitation at all so I have to factor in some worry time, otherwise I end up multitasking and trying to fit worry into multitasking situations just doesn't work well.

Plus, tonight was the only night this week that I didn't have something planned. I have a really busy week and on one hand am thrilled to have all these opportunities and on the other hand can just see the big pile of exhausted I am going to be this weekend. Which would be ok, that's what weekends are for EXCEPT that I have to clean off Mr. POSSLQ's bed before he gets home or else he has to sleep on the air bed in the livingroom which I am sure would still (in his opinion) be better than where he has been sleeping but he would have a very rambunctious feline as a bunkmate and I am pretty sure that would be less than optimal.

And so, I am going to go into tomorrow on about 3 hours of sleep which is a very poor plan but there aren't enough hours in a day.

Unrelated, I got some blueberry muffin mix at the grocery store and noticed it needs eggs and I am pretty sure that I have eggs but I am not overly sure how old they are so I could end up making muffins of death this weekend...not to mention that there is no way I can eat a dozen muffins all by myself so I guess I will have breakfast for the week, too..at least until the muffins get gross and stale. Hmmm, maybe the muffin plan is not so good and I should wait until Mr. POSSLQ gets home and ~~make him make me muffins~~ have muffins with him. That doesn't solve my immediate muffin craving BUT it does make me have to suffer a little for my muffins and maybe that's sortve akin to the longing Mr. POSSLQ feels when he thinks of coming home. But his has less carbs.

Friday the 13th

2012-01-13T11:09:00.000-06:00

I will admit to being a bit superstitious so Friday the 13^th is not my favorite day. I wake up dreading the day ahead and can’t wait for it to be done. On an intellectual level, I know that it’s silly/stupid but for some reason, I just can’t quite shake the little superstitious part of my brain that makes me dread Friday the 13^th. And there are a couple things going on right now that have added to my feeling that I should be bracing myself for things to stop going as well as they’ve been going.

It’s interesting, because for the past few months my life has changed. I can’t really say things are BETTER, they are just very different. I am getting out and spending time with people and making friends. I am tackling long overdue projects like the Closet from H3LL. I am, for the most part, pretty calm and peaceful and it’s been a couple of months since I’ve had a really awful tension headache (which I’d had quite regularly for the past 10 years or so). I’d like to get to a point where I have more of a routine, but that will come.

So, I hope that all of my trepidation about Friday the 13^th is simply superstition and that nothing catastrophic happens. I’ll be working more on the closet project this weekend. I get the distinct feeling I am going to need to have it moved on to the next phase soon.

Favorite Things

2012-01-09T15:19:00.002-06:00

I think this is my favorite (non-ChooChooBear) Something*Positive...

That Which Does Not Kill Me...

2012-01-08T23:48:00.003-06:00

That Which Does Not Kill Me Keeps Me Up FAR TOO LATE! I should have been in bed 2 hours ago but I have spent the day working mainly on the horrible closet but also doing laundry and trying to get other things done and I am feeling very overwhelmed and tired and I know I will regret staying up late in the morning but I had emails to read, blogs to catch up on, a reader to clean out... and now it's almost midnight and I'm still up trying to squeeze in ONE MORE THING and write a blog post.

I do actually have yogurt ready to take with me to work in the morning, so at least I was that organized.

I have so much trash to take out I want to buy a pack mule. It's going to take me DAYS to get this all to the dumpster. Which is probably fine because the dumpsters have been overflowing 5 out of 7 days a week lately. Maybe now that the holidays are over, that will subside to being only ankle deep instead of hip deep (I WISH I was exaggerating).

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I made some progress but still have a long way to go. And I am falling asleep, so I'd best get to bed! Goodnight, Internetz!

Where to begin...

2012-01-06T21:57:00.002-06:00

I am tackling the Closet from H3LL... The only problem is that the scope of the project is really quite overwhelming. I need to make significant progress this weekend and I feel stuck. I'm not sure what to do next because it's just SO much to deal with.

So, tonight I am trying to do a little strategizing so I can dive in tomorrow and get things done. I know that the clock is ticking and I cannot wait on getting this done forever. The thing is, I have a habit of doing my cleaning like some kids clean their plates of unwanted veggies. I just move things around and make it seem like progress is being made while slipping bits to the dog. Only, in my case I end up stashing things in other places instead of actually confronting the need to throw something beloved or potentially useful away. And that's why I have this problem in the first place. Well, that and the fact that I hate filing but have a metric f*ckton of things that really need to be filed.

For a "short" (4 day) week, this workweek seemed long. I would love to do something fun this weekend. I doubt I will get the chance, though, because I have a date with that Closet. Wish me luck!

I'm BACK!

2012-01-01T12:08:00.002-06:00

So, the technician came out this morning and found that the cable had been disconnected outside (oh, big surprise, given that the cover was off the cable box the other day. I love my neighborhood!) The old modem is hooked up and running fine. Why the old modem, you ask? Because Time Warner was "very busy" and apparently typing in a new MAC address when they already had one on file was "too much work right now". Really, Time Warner? So, let me get this straight.... I call tech support on Wednesday morning, get told that my equipment is defective, get an appointment FIVE days later and it turns out that a cable outside was disconnected but you won't hook up the BRAND NEW equipment because it's "too much work right now"? I went five days without internet for something that isn't even REMOTELY my fault and you're too busy to type 10-15 digits into a computer? FAIL, TIME WARNER, FAIL, FAIL, FAIL!! Thank Goodness I am a packrat and didn't toss the old modem!

Nonetheless, I have internet again and am no longer feeling disconnected from the world. I know my net addiction probably seems pathetic, but we all have our vices. Hopefully I have enough virtues so it all evens out in the end!

Glad to be back, Internetz! I missed you!

Living on Borrowed Internet

2011-12-31T15:40:00.002-06:00

A Saturday Coffeehouse post. And the final post of 2011. So, I haven't had internet at home since Tuesday and I was having major withdrawals so I came out to the coffeehouse today to soak up some internet so I would not feel totally cut off from the world as the New Year approaches. Allegedly, there will be a technician at the house tomorrow to fix the internet. I suspect that one of my neighbors was trying to get some free cable/internet (which I base on the fact that the cover is off the cable housing near my apartment) and they disconnected me. Either that or someone is a spiteful asshat. I probably got a new modem for nothing, but the old one was 6 years old, so it was probably time.

I worked on the Closet from Hell yesterday. I got quite a bit done but if you were to look at my bedroom you'd probably not think I made any progress at all. But, there was progress.

I still have work to do on the apartment. I want to have things looking ok when the tech comes tomorrow so I won't get the "you're just white trash and I don't have to respect you" crap. Still, at this point, I don't care how much of an asshat the tech is if he connects me to the internet.

2011 has certainly been a challenge. Will be interested to see what 2012 holds. If it's indeed the last year all of us have, I say we make the most of it. (That way, if it isn't the last, we'll have had a super year AND get another go at it!)

Love to you, my dear Internetz! Hope to blog at you from home tomorrow.

Blue Christmas

2011-12-26T03:34:00.003-06:00

I'm not going to lie. I was pretty blue for most of Christmas Day. (No, that does not mean I looked like a Smurf!) And while I generally love and adore the Internetz, today it just kept reminding me that I was alone and other people were dealing with the good, bad and ugly of family (but mostly good).

As I figured, my Christmas Wish did not come true. AND I got an email from Google AdSense telling me I was on their "naughty" list, so I spent some time today pulling their code from all of my blogs and feeling morose about having gotten an email that tried and convicted me when I'd done nothing wrong on Christmas Morning. I guess, then, that really the only way things could really go was up.

And so, here I am... awake at 3:38AM. I have a busy day ahead but will try to get some sleep first. I watched Harold and Maude last night which always makes me sit and contemplate my life. I had cinnamon tea with no sweetener and it was pretty good. And I thought about what I can do to increase my income now that Google, in it's infinite wisdom, has decided I'm not worthy.

I've got to clean up the livingroom and work on the Closet from Hell. I ran the dishwasher yesterday, so there are more dishes to put away. I can't take out the trash as the dumpsters are still all overflowing and there is trash outside the dumpster which is literally hip deep (not that I waded in or anything, I saw the resident dumpster diver in there.

I currently have no plans for New Years Eve which rather distresses me as I believe that NYE is a harbinger of the year to come. Contemplating spending it in the bowels of the Closet from Hell is not very appealing.

Oh how I miss the NYE's of the past... drinking too much and embarrassing myself in front of people I loved and adored. Ruining friendships... Ummm, no.... wait... I honestly DON'T miss that. I miss being with people I adore and getting a midnight kiss, though.

That seems a good note on which to head off to bed. Goodnight Internetz!

So this is Christmas...

2011-12-25T01:00:00.002-06:00

I know that Santa can't come until you go to bed on Christmas Eve. I also know that Santa will not come tonight whether I go to sleep or not. Even after I had Santa ruthlessly ruined for me in Kindergarten by a surly group of 4th grade girls who terrorized a bunch of us "little kids" in the restroom (and lead to me being afraid to ever use the restroom at school which is a horrible thing for a kid with a tiny bladder), I still looked forward to Christmas... probably because I was an only child whose grandparents went a little berserk at Christmas for their only grandchild (my mother's parents never once sent anything for Christmas, my stepdad's parents were deceased but my dad's parents more than made up for being the only set of grandparents).

After I graduated from High School, Christmas became less fun. There was never any religious significance to Christmas for me as a child or young adult. It was present time. Second only to the BEST. DAY. EVER. (my birthday) because on your birthday you're the ONLY person getting presents. Now, I know that sounds outrageously greedy, but honestly, I always got a bunch of small things, never "big ticket" items. And I was happy with the little things.

I had originally planned to spend this Christmas with my Mom and The Girl at my mom's house. For a number of reasons, that didn't work out. The Girl is there, visiting with my Mom, but I am alone with 2 kitties and a chinchilla. There will be no gift this year from Mr. POSSLQ that makes me feel like I got him a crappy gift (he has this uncanny knack for getting me something wonderful and I have a knack for getting him something overwhelmingly disappointing) because neither of us can afford gifts this year and because he's out on the road and will be spending Christmas at a truck stop.

And so... I am working on cleaning out the Closet from Hell. I will probably go to bed soon, just to not have to work on the freakin' closet anymore today.

May y'all have a wonderful Christmas. Remember how blessed you are if you are spending it with family, even if that family is driving you batshit crazy. Eat a rum ball for me!

The Party That Wasn't

2011-12-18T22:37:00.003-06:00

I do volunteer work with a group who I am not going to name here (primarily because I want to continue volunteering and there's an off chance someone who is important might read this). Several weeks ago, I found out that they were planning a holiday party. I was very excited to get to meet some of the other volunteers, maybe get to do some networking and generally just hanging out with people who I share an interest with. I even ordered a very special gift for the gift exchange.

Before I left tonight, I was feeling a little anxious. After all, I was walking into a situation where there would be a ton of people I don't know. But, I pulled out the hot rollers, dressed up and prepared to go enjoy myself. I mapped out the route and had my GPS.

Got there in good time. Then drove around and around and around looking for the actual venue. I finally managed to find it. There were 10-15 parking spots. All taken. People had creatively made more spots by double and triple parking (effectively locking people in, because they were parked in non-spots). I thought I would run in and ask where people who were more familiar with the area would suggest parking.

I walked in to a stony silence. There were a couple of very small clusters of people chatting in hushed tones , the other people were standing in stony silence. I warbled something about being "quadruple parked" and got a couple of angry glares in response. If it weren't for the fact that I recognized ONE person (the volunteer coordinator) I might have thought I'd barged in on a wake which would have explained the lack of any smiles, joviality or holiday cheer. I asked if anyone had a suggestion of where to park and two people actually PHYSICALLY TURNED AWAY from me.

Now... if this were The Frozen Tundra, I would fully expect this sort of thing. Someone who OBVIOUSLY "wasn't from around here" comes into a party on The Frozen Tundra and they will be treated like something nasty people stepped in until or unless someone with clout introduces them. But here Just South of Nowhere, I've seen "strangers" and "foreigners" (Southern Code for "them damned Yankees") welcomed into social situations and I have received warm receptions myself in a room full of strangers. So, I have to confess that I was not at all ready for the cold shoulder I received.

And so, I turned around, walked out the door, went back to my car, got in and.... drove home. If I wanted to put up with that sort of bullshit attitude, I'd have stayed on The Frozen Tundra. Given the choice between sitting home alone and being somewhere that I am not welcome, I'll stay home.

So, the one party I was invited to this holiday season was a flat out bust. I return now to my previous bah humbugging. Precipitated in large part by the following... Last year (2010) around October, I started talking to my mom about spending Xmas with her this year and we were going to have The Girl come, too and we would all spend Xmas together. Well, things got sortve tossed "up in the air" when The Girl & The Wasband were getting kicked out of the place they were living on The Frozen Tundra and didn't know where they would be for the holidays and then MsPOSSLQ took the job he has now and so there was no one to watch the critters (can't leave chinchilla alone for more than an overnight..) so I had to bow out. So now The Girl and my Wasband have been invited to my Mom's for Xmas. (And I would have been totally cool with him being there if I'd been there, it's not like I hate him, I just didn't want to be married to him). And The Girl is 17 and will probably never want to do the "family Xmas" thing again. And yes, I am aware this is completely a "you made your bed and have to lie in it" situation but it's really making me hate the holidays even more than usual this year.

I'm still hoping for an awesome New Year's Eve party invitation. Not that I know anyone who is having an NYE party but I know me and I'll sit at home and listen to 'Same Old Lang Syne' on loop (I must have listened to that song a million times and it makes me cry EVERY DAMN TIME). And I already know that Santa can't bring me what I want...so... can it be January now?

I don't know the way....

2011-12-13T22:57:00.002-06:00

Today has been a really rough day. Maybe I'm overtired and just not coping well, but today has not been a good day.

I've been telling myself if I could just get through December, everything would be ok. But, it's NOT going to be ok. Not by a long shot. I'd thought things would stablilize. No such luck.

At the moment, I can see no way to "ok"...

Every scenario I can envision ends up with someone being unhappy.

And I feel bad, but I want to rewind back to about August. Because things were mostly ok then. Or, at least, that was the illusion I had.

Maybe tomorrow, things will be fine again. Maybe I just need some sleep. I know that they say that if money can solve your problems, then you don't really have problems. But right now, the only way to ok is through an increase in funds coming through the door.

I'm not saying it's the road to Happiness... just the way back to "ok"...

Time is getting away from me...

2011-12-11T01:41:00.003-06:00

We're already a couple of weeks into December and I haven't posted here... how horrible. But I notice that no one sent out a search party to look for me (or even an email asking if I am ok) so I am choosing to believe that everyone is busy preparing for the holiday and had no clue I'd even gone missing... (I notice people ask all the time if I've found Jesus and I have to be honest and say I didn't even know he was missing because last I checked God is everywhere and Jesus is pretty tight with God so I figure that I never have to find Jesus due to the whole God is everywhere thing and I'd assume that God would have a pretty good idea on where to find Jesus so why people are asking me about Jesus is just a source of confusion for me).

MrPOSSLQ found his way back home again after another tour of duty as a Road Warrior. He was nearly done in by produce but managed to survive and come back and tell the tale. In the morning he is off to do the laundry which makes me feel incredibly spoiled because when he's not here, I have a little "washing machine" and do the laundry at home and then hang it up to dry and it takes a couple of days and it's almost impossible to ever take a bath because there are constantly things dripping dry in my tub. But it saves me money and it saves the time/hassle of having to schlep stuff out to the lavanderia so I just put up and shut up because I figure that's how I roll. Or something equally obnoxious.

I have to clean up the kitchen, wash a load of dishes. And I need to take out the trash. And there are a million little things that didn't get done before MrPOSSLQ came home so now I feel like a slacker. A slacker who needs to vacuum. And do a load of dishes.

On a happy note, it appears that we will be having a late Thanksgiving/early Christmas dinner and may I just say OMNOMNOM in advance because MrPOSSLQ will be cooking and there will be homemade stuffing which I am very much looking forward to.

But now, it's way past bedtime and I need to be at least somewhat functional tomorrow. Hope y'all are having a good weekend. If I remember, I will take some pictures of our feast and post them because FOOD PORN is good, right? (I promise it doesn't involve any nekkid body parts... cuz everyone knows cooking in the nude is never a good idea. Especially bacon. You DON'T wanna cook bacon in the nude! Just a tip from me to you...)

Late Goodbye

2011-11-28T20:23:00.003-06:00

Did you ever have a dream about someone who you used to be close to or that you loved/admired and they're no longer part of your life but the dream seems SO REAL that you are sad/disappointed when you awaken and realize that the dream was just a dream and the person is still gone and the ache in your heart begins anew... it feels like you are losing the person all over again...?

I had a bunch of that this weekend because it's been a year since my friend Christopher passed away. And then it happened again tonight in regards to a bloggy friend who has been gone (though I do not believe this person has passed on, just sortve up and disappeared) and I saw their blog come up in my feed as if a new post had been posted so I clicked excitedly only to find that their blog has been all but deleted. And even though I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way, my heart shattered into a billion pieces all over again.

Much like with Christopher, I never got to say goodbye to this person and I've held out this (perhaps foolish) hope that maybe they were just busy. I've sent about 1 email every 3 months or so just to let this person know I still think of them and still care as if that made a difference. As if I was somehow important. Because to think otherwise I might have to acknowledge that I was just part of a tragic experiment.

But in spite of my heart being broken in a billion pieces after chasing a shadow that lead to a blank brick wall, I am ever so thankful that once upon a time this person was part of my life. Two major life changes were made possible for me and I will forever be grateful. And I will admit to a tiny glimmer of fear because this person still is the hand of G-d for me in a couple of smaller but equally important things.

The devil grins from ear to ear when he sees the hand he's dealt us
Points at your flaming hair, and then we're playing hide and seek
I can't breathe easy here, less our trail's gone cold behind us
Till' in the john mirror you stare at yourself grown old and weak

And we keep driving into the night
It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye...

Do I REALLY have to say goodbye....?

Something to believe in...

2011-11-26T06:49:00.002-06:00

I recently had a friend tell me that she no longer believes in Santa Claus. Yes, this is a grown person so I am taking the liberty of inferring that it is not so much the red-suited portly gentleman that she no longer believes in but rather the spirit of Christmas that Santa embodies... a lack of faith in basic human nature.

I have been pondering that since she said it (albeit via a tweet... ahh, technology) and here's my response:

I don't mean this to be at all condescending or to sound like I am trying to patronizing, that isn't the goal. I've been around long enough that in large part I tend to find myself very cynical/jaded and perhaps disenchanted with many, many aspects of life but I do believe that there is still good to be found. Good beyond the inherent goodness of kittens and puppies and other creatures we do not think of as having no capacity to choose whether they love/are loyal. I've seen creatures treated so horribly that they have absolutely no reason to love anyone turn out to be some of the best companions alive. That they had to suffer at all again leads me down the path to wonder if there is any good left out there in the world.

But, Dru, it does exist. The tiny spark is there. You have to look so very hard to see it sometimes and there are times when things seem so horribly dark and horribly horrible that you lose sight of it, but it is there.

Every time I falter in my belief that there is good in the world, I go have another look at this. Or this. And believe me, I KNOW it's hard to feel like things are going to be ok. I see what's going on in the world (even though I avoid the news as much as possible).

Maybe I missed what you were saying and it isn't that you doubt humanity and that it is a case of knowing that there will be no reindeer poo upon your rooftop this year that truly has you down. Maybe it's just the fact that miracles are too few and far between. Maybe people are right and things really are craptastic and I just have a Pollyanna attitude and want to see good where it doesn't really exist. But it's my ability to see beyond the neck-deep crap I wade through sometimes that keeps me going. I hope you will find the faith to go forward and not think the world is a complete clusterfuck.

And, on that note, I am going to take my tired self to bed. Yes, at 7:30AM. Because I believe that maybe things will look brighter if I just close my eyes for a while.

Where I've been...

2011-11-23T00:08:00.003-06:00

Hey there Internetz! I know it seems like I never call, I never write and I stay away for weeks at a time but I've been out "becoming" and doing less "being" which probably doesn't make much sense but I come back to my little piece of internet real estate where things are familiar after I've been out wandering so that has to count for something.

I've been writing a novel. I've been out in the real world (instead of my comfy virtual world here) meeting people and (at least I hope) making friends. I've been talking and listening and writing and coming home very late at night and trying to make it on 3-4 hours of sleep and I am exhausted and excited and breathless with anticipation simultaneously. I've been doing volunteer work and going to YELP parties and drinking wine with people who "get" me. Just South of Nowhere is, after 2 years, more "home" than The Frozen Tundra ever was. I may not totally fit in here (I remember my first job here and it is not a fond remembrance) but I am finding people I can talk to and listen to and write with and it's good.

All of which serves to distract me from Mr. POSSLQ's absence and I wonder sometimes if I am not burning the candle at both ends to avoid facing the engulfing emptiness that I now call home. I have been trying to not dwell on the fact that I will be alone on Thursday. No family. No Mr. POSSLQ, just me (the crazy cat lady), the kitties and the chinchilla.

I do have projects scheduled and sleep to catch up on and novel writing to do and I am more tired right now than is even possible for me to articulate. And given that it is after midnight, I am going to sign off and go to bed. But, dear Internetz, I wanted you to know I've not abandoned you and I appreciate your patience. Rock on and have a fabulous Thanksgiving!

Another Late Night Brain Dump...

2011-11-13T00:53:00.002-06:00

It's 12:50something. I should be in bed. I haven't written anything on my NaNoWriMo project today. I am behind. I need to catch up but that means that I need to find time. Tomorrow I have to do some cleaning and then I must, must, MUST do some bath fizzie making. As in, this is not optional.

Also, I need to get the vacuum run in the office, it's a mess (at least the floor) and I need to get the trash out and the boxes that I've said that needed to go need to finally go and I have laundry to put away.

I've been fighting falling asleep since this afternoon. I am realizing that I really, really need to set things up so I can exercise here at home. Yes, I think those two things are related.

I'm going to go to bed. I will regale you tomorrow (or sometime very soon) with tales of my adventures at The Galleria today.

Shaping up to be a busy week...

2011-11-06T22:09:00.003-06:00

I didn't get everything accomplished today that I should have. Mr. POSSLQ isn't going to be home tomorrow, though, so that took a little of the pressure off (for better or worse) to get everything that needed to be done today actually done today.

Tomorrow I will need to do the grocery shopping that I didn't get done this weekend. Tuesday is a writing event after work (NaNoWriMo related), Wednesday is a writing event after work (NaNoWriMo related) and I JUST got an invitation to something that is Thursday evening (a blogger event). So, that pretty much ties up all of my evenings this week (subject to one or more of those events being scrapped in the event that Mr. POSSLQ comes home and needs a ride home... there are some things that take precedence).

I've discovered something about myself in the last 5 weeks. I've discovered that while I am not very COMFORTABLE being a social person, I do enjoy having the opportunity to go out and be social. I know that sounds contradictory, but it is more a matter of being awkward in situations where I don't know anyone but if I keep going out and doing things I will meet people and then at least start to recognize faces when I'm out and that will help me to feel more comfortable.

I suppose, though, that I should get to bed so I can get up in the morning. It's going to be a busy week and I need to get sleep so I can keep up with everything! Have a stellar week, Internetz!

Creativity Killer

2011-11-05T23:48:00.002-05:00

I was doing really well getting things done today and got things accomplished. And then I crashed, hard.... And I needed to write my NaNoWriMo words for today and discovered just how much of a creativity killer stress is.

There are some days that I just don't know what to do. I know that I don't function well when I'm stressed. And for the most part lately, even though I haven't been getting enough sleep I've been able to remain pretty stress-free. Then I have days like today.

I have things I NEED to get done before I go to bed tonight. I have things I NEED to get done before Monday. I need to not be paralyzed by negativity. I need to not be paralyzed by stress. I need to not get wrapped up in the angries.

On the up side, I am on track as far as word count for NaNoWriMo, even if I am struggling with getting the words out of my head and onto the screen. What I had imagined writing isn't what is flowing. I think I am writing the words that are going to allow me to get to the book I want to write but all the stuff that's coming out now is what I need to get out and process before I can get to the actual novel and while there are parts of it that have been very cathartic, there are parts that are just... hard to work through and get out and then LET GO.

I guess THIS is where I am tonight...

November = No Sanity

2011-10-30T23:10:00.002-05:00

Just a little note of forewarning... November is going to be wicked busy for me.

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is in November. I'll be pounding out another 50,000 words in an attempt to write something worth reading. I think my idea for this year is a good one, as the story is semi-autobiographical. Remind me, when I am weeping piteously about this in the middle of November that I was really excited to do it before November started.

I am also going to be doing some volunteer work in November (only a couple of evenings and only a couple of hours on those evenings) but it'll be a challenge because it will be after a full workday and it will make getting dinner and everything fit into the schedule a bit of a challenge.

I am pretty thankful that I have no family obligations for Thanksgiving, so much of that weekend can be spent working on my NaNo Novel. And may I just say, hooray for no in-laws. (I envy those who actually LIKE their in-laws....there was never any love lost between any of my in-laws and I).

I know I don't blog very often but it may be less often during November (could be more often if I am floundering and seeking inspiration).

Have a very joyous Halloween, Internetz!

Let the negotiations begin...

2011-10-27T22:56:00.003-05:00

So, it's lease renewal time where I live. I can't afford to move. I've got a mile long to-do list this weekend. Added to this list today (because I finally got the letter) is negotiating my lease for the next year. They want to raise my rent $20 a month... but then they're giving me a "special one-time credit" of $250... the effect of which is that I will, over the course of the year, pay them back that $250 in $20 monthly increments. Since their accounting people can't seem to properly keep books, there's no way in HELL I am going to trust them to credit me $250. I am going to counter offer to spread the $250 credit over the year with the net result being my rent not increasing and them not having to try and figure out credits. I'm sure they'll insist that they can't do that but working in accounting as I have for the last year, trust me, it's way easier to just keep everything the way it is now than to do credits and factor increases, etc.

Still, $20 a month isn't outrageous, especially since they didn't raise our rent last year. I'm wary of the "credit" because I had 3 hassles with the accounting people who insisted I'd short-paid the rent the month I allegedly had the credit. In fact, there were THREE months that they'd given me some form of credit for (it's written right on the lease document) but I'd already paid two of the months completely and in full so ACTUALLY, the way I figure it, they already owe me about the equivalent of one month's (current) rent.

It's times like this I wish I knew a real life Steve Dallas (from Bloom County). I'd love to bring my slick weasel lawyer in to negotiate my lease for me. I keep trying to talk Lawyer Greenjeans (who has now fully retired from the practice of law to pursue a career in Chemical Dependency Counseling) into coming for a vacation because the fine folks who work in the rental office at my apartment would NOT know what hit them if he negotiated my lease for me. Hell, they would be paying ME to live here by the time he got through with them.

And, my goal of a decent hour for bed this week has died. It's already 11PM tonight. Oh well, I really did pretty well the rest of the week. Rome wasn't built in a day and any other cliches that keep me from having to admit I should just slap the big "L" on my forehead and call it a night!

This Week's Goal

2011-10-23T22:15:00.003-05:00

I want to be in bed at a decent hour every night this week. I've been staying up too late and it's taken its toll on me and I have to take care of myself, as difficult as that gets to be sometimes.

I accomplished a few things this weekend. I went to an art fair. I did laundry. I worked on cleaning the bedroom. I still have a lot to do.

It's 10:15. 10:30 is still "a decent hour"... so, I am going to call it a night.

Have a great week, Internetz!

A picture = priceless

2011-10-22T00:34:00.002-05:00

It's been a rough week. I feel very emotionally exhausted. I am beyond exhausted physically. I have no idea why I am still up at 12:34AM.

And yet, if I hadn't been up, I might have missed this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebloggess/6267893975/in/photostream from The Bloggess.

That picture made the entire day I had today fade away. It made the week I just slogged through fade just a bit, too. And that is what will (I hope) allow me to sleep tonight.

Goodnight, Internetz.

Gibralter I Am Not

2011-10-20T23:33:00.003-05:00

Earlier this week I needed to log into Mr. POSSLQ's computer. He sent me the password to do so, which I tried, and it didn't work. For three days, I tried and tried every combination I could think of to get the damn thing logged on. Nada. Then, after midnight last night I FINALLY cracked it and got in. I was feeling so smug. I went to text Mr. POSSLQ and saw the password he'd sent me... which I had MISREAD! (insert mega Homer Simpson DOH! here)

I attribute my misfortune to being overtired. I am overtired because I haven't gotten to bed before midnight one night this week. I haven't gotten to bed before midnight because I have too damn much I am trying to get done and even when I finally DO go to bed, my mind runs a mile a minute for a good 45 minutes before exhaustion finally takes over and I go unconscious. Of course, I've been little more than a zombie during the day this week because I need a good 8-9 hours of sleep to function which I am not getting going to bed at midnight and waking up at 5:30ish in the morning.

Also, it may have something to do with being completely emotionally exhausted (and, arguably, somewhat morally bankrupt... *bonus points if you catch the reference). There's a little history in this and I'll try to be brief.

My first husband and I were pretty much on equal footing in the being bad at being a partner/emotionally supportive. We were both still at a pretty selfish/self-centered stage of our life when we got together and like many teenage folks had enough similar experiences to think we had this great emotional bond which crumbled like Oreos in a blender once the pressures of living together and functioning came to be.

I had envisioned my second husband (being older than I) as being a protector and being strong for my emotionally and physically. Sadly, he fell ill (NOT MY FAULT) after we were married and I still wasn't able to be "the rock" in a relationship so we, too, crumbled under the stress of him being ill and my being young and not wanting to shoulder all the responsibility for everything, even if it was only short term.

With my third husband, I was older and more mature (I was 2 years older than him). I became the one "in charge" of everything by virtue of having more life experience. He was good at being a Dad but horrible at being a partner/spouse. I enabled him to not have to take on any adult responsibilities. I still believe this was the biggest disservice I've done to anyone in my life. But I NEEDED someone to be "the rock" and he just wasn't able to do that... or at least, not in the way I wanted.

I don't NEED someone to take care of me but I have to admit I WANT that sometimes. I want someone to be able to take my hand and tell me everything will be ok in a tone that I can unequivocably believe. I want someone who can be "the rock" when I need that. I don't have the capacity to be that for someone else. Maybe some time in the future, I will, but right now I just want someone to hold on to me and tell me in a steady, believable voice that everything will be ok. I need to not have a bunch of drama and upset and anger in my life. I'm working so very hard to deal with my own anger issues. I am so very tired of being in a panic about finances. Sometimes I think I need to find some rich, old oil geezer and get married to inherit a bunch o' money (cuz, you know, that works out so well for people... reference one Anna Nicole Smith). But the money I'd have to spend bleaching, enhancing, nipping and tucking in order to catch the eye of some rich, old oil geezer would probably exceed any "profit" made from the venture. I'm tired of the constant struggle ALL THE TIME.

All of which is to say... I'm tired. Goodnight, Internetz.

Weekend Recap

2011-10-16T21:53:00.002-05:00

I got most of what I had hoped to accomplish this weekend done. I did not manage to find the motivation to take the trash out, but the livingroom looks much better and that's what I had been shooting for. It still isn't where I want it to be, but it's definitely improved.

Saturday, I actually didn't work on the apartment, I went out and did something social and actually managed to get over my social anxiety enough to talk to people and have a good time.

All in all, it was a pretty good weekend. True, I did get woken up by the obnoxiously loud music the neighbor was playing this morning and I didn't get COMPLETELY finished with the livingroom and the cats STILL have a gate between them because apparently getting along just isn't going to happen. And there is some paperwork I needed to do that didn't get done because I need to find other paperwork in order to do it. But at least I won't be completely stressed when I walk in the door after work tomorrow night and look at the livingroom.

Diamond did not at all appreciate my cleaning. I figured out, once I'd gotten her cage clean and things back where they were supposed to be that part of her disgruntlement was that she was SLEEPY and all of my cleaning was keeping her awake. Oops.

I have to admit that I sortve enjoy structuring my weekend so I don't have to leave the house on Sunday. It really feels, then, like I got a day off.

Now, if I can just get my neighbors to socialize INSIDE their apartments and get the little hellions who moved in downstairs to STOP SLAMMING THEIR DOOR, things will be lovely. The Boss & BossLady are going on vacation starting Friday. I have a bunch to get done before they leave because I get NOTHING done while BossLady is gone because I end up doing all of the stuff that she normally does. I'm glad they're getting a vacation, though (even though I'm a bit jealous)... the past 3 months or so have been pretty stressful.

Dropping the ball

2011-10-10T22:38:00.002-05:00

I had every intention of going to bed but figured I should empty out my head a little bit before trying to sleep.

An ex of mine (not the Wasband) is going through a nasty breakup. He has posted a lot on Facebook about wanting to save his relationship and as I read it I feel for his current predicament but also get a little pissed off that he didn't really give a crap when we broke up and he certainly did nothing to try to save it.

Perhaps on a related note, I've chosen my topic for this year's NaNoWriMo... it'll be a novel about a woman who has several failed relationships which she attributes to the men involved but eventually she comes to realize that the common denominator in the string of failed relationships is her. I am actually not sure at the moment if this will be a humorous look at the situation or if it will be a more serious work. I am leaning toward having it be humour... with her doing all sorts of crazy things to try and "fix" what she erroneously thinks is wrong with her (always sortve one step behind... trying to do something in her current relationship that might have "fixed" her previous relationship). Anyhow, I have a starting place for it and the rest of the month to think about it.

Mr. POSSLQ seems to be making good progress in his travels. We don't get to talk much so I feel bad when I need to go to bed before he's "landed" for the evening. But if I don't start getting more sleep I am going to get this cold that has been looming over me, ready to swoop in at any moment.

I have so much I need to get done and feel like I've been completely dropping the ball in some areas of my life. I was going to take the trash out after work but the dumpsters are overflowing and I don't want to get a "lease violation" because my trash falls off the heap and they find something to link me to it in there. On the subject of trash, is it totally evil of me to put used kitty litter in almost every bag so the dumpster divers get a nasty surprise when they pick through my trash? If my scrap aluminum foil is worth picking through cat poo, you're welcome to it. But that's also why I have heaps of papers I need to shred... I don't trust these people as far as I could throw them. If you're creepin' through my trash, you're likely looking for something more valuable than a soda can or two... Maybe not, but in this day and age, I shred shit because I'm not counting on the inherent goodness in my fellow man.

Two blogger gatherings on the agenda this week. Will I actually get the courage to talk to people? Only time will tell.

Speaking of time, it's an hour past bedtime. Goodnight Internetz!

Progress, Positivity, Possibilities

2011-10-07T23:03:00.003-05:00

I am slowly making progress on getting the apartment cleaned up (not just "surface clean" but REALLY clean). I have the kitchen done except for the floor. I have 3/4 of the office done. I'm figuring out what I want to do in the bathroom (limited storage space, lots of stuff currently lives in there, lots more stuff that potentially COULD go in there).

I will be pushing to get things done this weekend so that maybe next week will be less chaotic. Getting to bed at 11:45-midnight does not make my work day go well. I really need to go to bed by about 9:30 so I can be up at 5:30 so I can be ready to go by 6:30 and have about 20 minutes of cuddle time with Crystal. The benefits to that are twofold.... one, it is a relaxing way to start the day and two, it makes Crystal happy.

Tomorrow (Saturday) I am going to go to an Orientation to do volunteer work for the cat rescue we got Crystal from. I can hear you all wondering how the hell I'm going to fit that into my life. It sounds like they need someone one evening for about 2 hours twice a month. Plus, because of the nature of my "day job", I SHOULD BE doing some volunteer work. Add to that the fact that it will allow me to meet people who I will have at least one thing (love of cats) in common with and I have to believe that this is a good opportunity for me. Also, it helps get me more involved in the community.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not exactly "Pollyanna" and don't have an "always sunny" outlook on life. But I do firmly believe that negative thinking results in negative things continuing to occur in your life and that positive thinking is an important tool in everyone's emotional toolbox. I also tend to be a "look for the silver lining" sort of person who will try to find SOMETHING good in the worst situations. Don't get me wrong, I have days where I am in a complete funk and snappish and stabbity But I cannot deal with negativity on a regular basis, it just makes me really depressed (and stabbity). So, I am working on creating more positivity in my life.

While it is definitely lonely without Mr. POSSLQ here, I am hoping to have the opportunity to "walk until I find myself" while he is on the road. The whole experience will be full of challenges, opportunities and possibilities.

Tomorrow, the Wasband and The Girl depart for a new living arrangement. They were asked to leave the place they'd been staying (with "friends") and could not find housing. The Wasband also remains unemployed (don't get me started). However, his relocation does mean that all that schooling he did and the certificates earned are moot point because they were good only for The Frozen Tundra. While there are a couple of people I do still consider friends back on The Frozen Tundra, their departure from that locale means I can shut the door on the possibility of feeling I NEED to go back there for any reason. It also means that there are people who I can hereafter write out of the book of my life. I believe this to be a good and positive step forward.

Right now, though, I need to be thinking about going to bed. I have much to get done this weekend and the clock is ticking. A good night's sleep will be most helpful. Goodnight Internetz!

Finding the new normal...

2011-10-06T22:21:00.002-05:00

I was going to go to bed but then decided to get some stuff out of my brain, so here I am.

With Mr. POSSLQ out on the road, I am adjusting to the life of someone who lives alone. There are good things and bad things about it.

The bad things are pretty selfish, actually... I have to take the trash out myself (note to self... clean kittybox tonight), I have to cook for myself (or not.. as has been the case since he left unless you count the soup I microwaved last night as "cooking"). I will NOT be sinking to OnCor Salisbury Steaks and boxed potatoes (if that's what you eat, there's nothing wrong with that, but that is reminiscent of a life I left behind and I refuse to go back!)

The good things are pretty few so far... I don't have to feel guilty if I work late (except that Madame Chinchilla gets pretty angry when she has to wait for her dinner), I don't have to figure out what someone else is going to want for dinner, I don't have razor stubble in my sink...

Nothing earth-shattering on either the bad or the good side, really. It's just all pretty weird so far. I got used to him working late sometimes when he was on call so there is a feeling of, I don't know, waiting, I guess... like I sortve feel like he'll be back any minute (which, at the moment, would sortve be a disaster because I'm in cleaning mode and there may or may not be stuff piled on his bed that I am going to sort this weekend... *ahem*).

I think the hardest thing so far is that when you've said goodnight to someone every night for a few years (with very few exceptions), it's very strange to not have that be part of your routine anymore.

I think this first weekend will also be really hard. Hours to fill and no one around to make the tasty Sunday dinner I am so used to (and spoiled by). I have plenty of housework to do and kitties and a chinchilla to cuddle, but it will still be strange. And then, when he comes home it will be strange all over again. I don't know how military spouses do it. You get used to things being one way and then they change and then they change again. I'm sure that eventually a new normal will come to pass.

Goodnight, Internetz!

It's life... but not as I've known it...

2011-10-04T21:45:00.002-05:00

Since Mr. POSSLQ has blogged about it, now I can finally let y'all in on what's going on. Long story short, Mr. POSSLQ got a new job and for the majority of the next year (at least) he will be a Road Warrior driving a big ol' truck and I'll be holding the fort. (Not to be confused with holding the farts, which is something that people who live alone don't even have to think about!)

He has been contemplating getting his Class A license for most of the time I've known him so this is a really positive step even if it means I have to take my own damn trash out and eat a bunch of ramen noodles. For the record, it's not that I CAN'T cook, I just don't really see the point when it's just me and who wants to eat leftovers for a week, ya know?

And while Mr. POSSLQ has been ribbing me about being glad to get him out from underfoot, the reality is that I have very little experience living on my own and there's a very real chance that I'll get weird (like Howard Hughes weird) and reclusive.

I was all excited to go to a blogger gathering tonight and then when I got there I was so freaked out by the sheer number of people and the fact that they pretty much all seemed to know each other that I ended up feeling really awkward, didn't really talk to anyone and skedaddled after about 45 minutes. It's strange because when I am in a work situation where I don't know people, I don't find myself particularly awkward, manage to make conversation, etc. but in a social situation I freeze up. There was wine at the gathering but since I had to drive, I didn't have any. I have a policy that I will not drink AT ALL if I know I'll be driving. Because I know that the one time I convince myself that it was "just one drink" will be the time an angry scorpion will run amok in my car, I'll get pulled over and smell like a winery. I am not fond of the idea of going to jail, especially with Mr. POSSLQ God-Only-Knows-Where which means I'd have no one to bail me out. And while I may not be too pretty for prison, I shudder at the thought of having to wear a prison jumpsuit and government issued underwear.

I'll write more about all of this later. For now, I need to get to bed. It's been a long, emotional day.

Civil Unrest

2011-09-27T09:04:00.001-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, Mr. POSSLQ and I went to PetSmart for Chinchilla Chow. I'm still not quite sure what Twilight Zone we stepped into, but we left PetSmart with a new kitty, Crystal.

Crystal is a little snuggly cat. She purrs. She snuggles. She loves you. Unless.... you are another cat. Crystal decided she needed to lay the smack down on Willow early and often. In hindsight, we should have introduced them more slowly. But, they seemed to get along ok the first few days.

Since then, however, Crystal took to attacking Willow as he tried to use the litterbox, as he tried to eat and as he tried to sleep. After a few days of this, we decided that we needed to come up with a different plan because they were NOT "working it out". So now we have a gate up and one cat on one side, the other cat on the other side. We're still working out the kinks. And it's only been a couple of weeks and it can take MONTHS sometimes for cats to learn to get along. I am also a firm believer that once you adopt a pet, you can't/don't just return it, even if things are a little (or a lot) less than perfect. People don't un-adopt children and when you adopt a pet, you make a commitment to that creature for the duration of their life.

I am thinking that when things settle down (there are still things happening that I do not feel at liberty to discuss) I'll get things better organized which will make things less stressful for all of us. There are some things I've wanted to do for a while and this will work nicely into those plans.

I'm also happy that I finally seem to have gotten a situation ironed out that has been nagging at me for a few weeks. I've been trying to get it resolved, hadn't gotten information that I needed to move forward and finally did get the information I needed.

Now I just need to make it through today without falling asleep. Easier said than done. Also, hoping for some good news today. Have a great Tuesday, Internetz!

Up in the air...

2011-09-21T21:07:00.002-05:00

Things are still unsettled and weird. I'm getting nothing done because I'm waiting to see what's going to happen. Work has been very tense lately. I can't focus well. I've had a tension headache for the last week and I expect it will likely last until the end of the month.

Although I am loathe to admit it, I'm a control freak and when things are happening like they are right now and it's all things that are going to profoundly impact my life but it's nothing I have any control over, I get freaked out and weird. Likewise, it makes me tense at work when we hire someone new and they can't seem to do something simple like bring in ID so I can complete the paperwork that needs to be completed and I get frustrated because these people make five times my salary and can't seem to do the simplest things.

I am also still really stressed about the thought of renegotiating my lease, especially since there is almost no way I can afford to move (c'mon lottery win!)

Regardless of what happens in the next week and a half, October is going to be an insanely busy month. November is NaNoWriMo so I really need to push to get alot of stuff that is now hanging waiting to know what's going to happen actually completed so I won't have to do a lot of juggling in November.

Add to that the insanity that is going on up on The Frozen Tundra and you have the recipe for an extremely unbalanced me.

I am trying to have faith and be positive. I'm not good at being patient. I'm pretty sure Mr. POSSLQ is about ready to sell me (cheap!) to passing gypsies.

Hoping the next entry will be "Up, Up and Away" and not "And then it all fell down..."

(Although, I have a couple other things I need to blog about, I'm just not sure the best way to cover the topics yet...)

A change will do me good?

2011-09-10T00:54:00.003-05:00

I know that change is the only constant in life and I really try to be open minded about/ok with change. But right now my life has me feeling very unsettled and very NOT ok. I have questions I both need answers to and dread the answers to. The answers need to be honest and not just what I want to hear because knowing now will end up saving me trouble/heartache down the line.

I don't want the next few weeks to be full of strife. These changes were supposed to make things better. I'm not feeling the "better" part yet and the voices in my head (yeah, I have 'em) keep presenting all of the worst case scenarios to me.

I'm impatient. I either want to know things are going to be ok or that everything is going to hell in a handbasket and I need to bend over and kiss my ass goodbye. (I jest, I'm not that flexible... never should have quit doing yoga...)

Am I looking at a slight reset? Am I looking at a complete reboot? Is everything I've believed in the past few years of my life reality or have I just seen what I wanted to see and carefully swept the bits I didn't want to acknowledge under the carpet... "out of sight, out of mind"...?

I can see what the outcome is supposed to be but also what it COULD be and I know it's likely driving you insane that I am still being cryptic and again I have to say that this is not altogether my story to tell and even if it were, I don't know that I'd be wanting to spill the details but not being able to process it at all is making it even worse for me, so I hope you will bear with me.

What I know for sure is I'm not getting married. I'm not moving (unless they don't renew my lease, which I suppose is possible and the whole lease negotiation bit is another thing that's messing with my head right now). I've still got a job. Beyond that, there is a lot of uncertainty right now. Other than my certainty that going to bed now is likely a really good idea.

Things will work out, right? I really need someone to tell me right now that things will work out.

Changes - The Ball Is Rolling

2011-09-07T11:47:00.002-05:00

So, the ball is rolling and changes are coming but nothing too big is coming too quickly and I sortve wish that all the change could just be done already.... I guess I prefer the "rip the bandaid off quickly" method.... the way it is now, it's going to be like pulling duct tape off... And I suppose I shouldn't complain because there are advantages to things happening the way that they are but it's just giving me more time to have the panic set in.

That being said, I still am not at liberty to go into what is going on because I am only a minor piece to the whole puzzle.

In spite of my feeling that it would be better to wait and make my lifestyle changes after all of the other big changes have happened, I forged ahead with my day after Labor Day start. I think it made me a tad more surly than I would have been otherwise but I realized that I can think of reasons til the cows come home to put off starting this because it's so much easier to just do what I've been doing rather than change things.

I did manage to get the production area cleared off over the long weekend and did not dive into the other absolutely huge project and I am already thinking ahead to November and NaNoWriMo and whether I am going to do that this year. On one hand, it's a lot of work. On the other hand, it gives me something to look forward to at a time when I am feeling pretty bleak about things.

Hoping that somewhere in all of this turmoil, confusion and anxiety lies a happy ending.

Things can calm down any time...

2011-09-03T00:21:00.003-05:00

The past week has been really stressful.

And I'm really not at liberty to openly discuss any of what is going on. But I need to talk about stuff so this is probably going to be an annoying, somewhat cryptic post and I apologize.

I was planning a fairly big change in lifestyle starting Tuesday (post Labor Day). Now I am rethinking that.

My project for the holiday weekend was going to be to clean up the production area so I can start gearing up for the holidays. Now it looks like that will be put on hold for several weeks as I work on another absolutely huge project that will be borne of needing to retrieve something that is in a back corner of the "closet of doom" (the closet where everything gets stuffed when I can't figure out what the heck to do with it... suffice it to say, there is a reason I refer to it as "the closet of doom").

I am thinking about getting a second job and looking at the options available.

I am dead tired right now.

The only constant in life is change. That doesn't mean I have to like it. Tonight? I'm really not diggin' it.

I believe things in the works will be really good things in the long term. In the short term? It's going to be uncomfortable and I am probably going to be more than a little pissy about it.

If I am going to even TRY to make my own business work (albeit as a part-time thing) I NEED to get working on being ready for the holidays.

And I am an absolute wreck about renewing my lease. I am in absolutely NO position to be moving this year. Financially, emotionally, physically... I just can't do it.

Things can calm down any time now. I am not interested in living in "interesting times"...

Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post

2011-08-28T12:38:00.002-05:00

I'll bet some of you don't even remember that I used to go to the Coffeehouse on Sunday and blog from there. Anyhoo, I am not at the coffeehouse today but I am blogging.

It was a hard week from an emotional standpoint. (see previous entry, if you want to know why) And things have been tense at work lately, so that makes things even harder when you're trying to focus and be a good employee.

There are a number of things happening back on The Frozen Tundra (which, admittedly, is not as Frozen at the moment) that I cannot change or make better. Add to this the lifestyle changes I am trying to make right now and it has become pretty apparent to me that stepping away from the computer more often and doing other things would be a better use of my time and probably reduce my stress level. I know that there are people who, once they leave work, don't use the computer at home at all unless they have some sort of work that needs to get done. I probably won't be THAT extreme but I need to cut back on the amount of time I am sitting on my (ever widening) posterior in front of the computer. I also need to be thinking about the fact that I need to get back into producing bath fizzies and such and sitting in front of the computer isn't helping get that done, either. If I want to be ready for the winter holiday season, I need to be working on production now so that I can worry about marketing, selling, packing and shipping in November and December.

None of what is going on will impact the amount of blogging I do. It's not as if I am posting every day right now, so cutting back on my computer time will probably not have any impact on the amount that I am posting. There are some other things brewing that I will let you know about when/if they come to pass.

I'm going to go and get some more things done now. Hope y'all have a wonderful Sunday and a stellar week. Happy Birthday Shout-Out to my friend, KrippledWarrior!

See ya soon, Internetz!

Loaf In Peace, Momma Weedy

2011-08-23T13:42:00.004-05:00

This is probably one of the harder blog posts I've ever written. I'm not going to go into all of the event but will succinctly say that after careful consideration following medical events last night Mr. POSSLQ and I saw Momma Weedy go off to The Rainbow Bridge.

I know many people don't understand the heartbreak that happens to an "animal person" when a pet passes away. I've heard more than once "well, geez, it was just an ANIMAL". But to me, Momma Weedy was an integral part of my family and there will be so many empty spaces in my life that she used to fill in her own special way. Her crabby little meow when she woke up, that she liked to "loaf" on me when I was going to sleep or waking up, her "softest headbonk ever" little headbonks and her insistent poking at me when she wasn't getting enough attention. Which was pretty much any time she was awake.

I've had barely any sleep. I laid awake in bed, thoughts of what I "should have" done nagging at me. I tried to push them out, but could not. I kept thinking of the lab results. My mind raced back and forth between never wanting another pet, desperately wishing I'd had more time with Weedy and wondering if Willow could adjust to a kitten in the house. I drifted off eventually and what seemed like seconds later, the alarm was ringing.

Every time I think I have cried every tear that I have, more find their way to my eyes. It is breaking my heart all over to see Willow wandering around, sniffing and looking. Maybe I am giving him more credit than is due, but it seems to me he's wondering where Weedy is. In fleeting moments I find myself thinking that she's napping and I'll hear that crabby little meow any minute.

Being with her as she took her last breaths was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I didn't want to cry as she drifted off, I didn't want my distress to further distress her. She drifted off with Mr. POSSLQ and I petting her, softly telling her we loved her and saying goodbye. However, I cannot imagine not having been there... Being who I am, the final scenes of Harold & Maude flashed through my head...the part where Maude is rushed to the hospital and tells Harold that really, all the fuss is unnecessary.

Weedy was 14 years old. I only shared three years of her life. With the exception of the 18 hours we spent driving from The Frozen Tundra, I'd like to think that those three years were good years for her. (Believe me, I heard, in no uncertain terms, how unacceptable every second of that 18 hour drive was to her). Even though she saw me as a rival for Mr. POSSLQ's attention, I choose to believe that she liked me... if only as her food-server and litterbox scooper. Oh yeah.. and as her lumpy, imperfect and altogether too mobile cat bed.

Loaf in Peace, Momma Weedy. You were loved more than there are words for... I hope you have the patience to wait at The Rainbow Bridge. Look up Fuzzbert and Angelo... they'll help you pass the time and I guarantee you'll find them good company.

Insomniac Rambling...

2011-08-20T11:39:00.003-05:00

26 years ago today (August 20th), I was getting married for the first time. I am sure that, at the time, it seemed like a good idea. Of my exes, he's the one I still really enjoy talking to... maybe that will change with the Wasband when more years have passed but I feel, with Ex #1, that we have gone back to the friendship which was so important/needed by both of us that we somehow lost once we married and were living together (long story).

An internet friend got married today and did a live stream of the wedding. Other than the fact that it started three hours after I'd thought was the start time, it was really fun. But the time discrepancy meant that I didn't get a damn thing done this afternoon.

Due to some weird stuff going on at his office, Mr.POSSLQ will pretty much be on-call next week, too. I had hoped we could make it to the Farmer's Market next weekend, but it doesn't look like it's going to be possible (due to the guy who is supposed to be on call being sortve a douchecanoe).

Guess I should get to bed if I hope to do anything useful tomorrow.

Just a snippet...

2011-08-19T23:37:00.002-05:00

Didn't have nearly the productive day I wanted to have, but things went pretty well.

Have a mile-long "to do" list for this weekend.

Got some motivation and a related fun new project.

Am prone to think that a collection of pithy sentences does not a blog post make... and yet, that's all I have for you tonight, Internetz. Goodnight!

66 Highway Blues

2011-08-18T21:55:00.002-05:00

The title of this post is the title of a song I haven't thought of (or heard) in ages...

"There is a Highway from coast to the coast, New York to Los Angeles, I'm a goin' down that road with troubles on my mind I got them 66 Highway Blues..."

Anyhow, as is typical with me, I should be in bed and I'm blogging. I've been overtired lately which makes me even more hyperemotional than normal which pretty much guarantees that pretty much any statement made by anyone has the potential to make me tear up. Thankfully (?) whatever is blooming right now has had my eyes itchy and watery so if anyone catches me teary-eyed, I simply say "allergies" and save myself a metric fuckton (which is both a legal and farming term... so sayeth Lawyer Greenjeans) of embarrassment.

I'm also busy trying to cultivate some good habits in preparation for a big change in habits (sorry for being cryptic, but there are some things I am just not gonna put out in vivid detail on the Internet) and I'm worried that I can't do it and I really have no choice. I'm gathering the tools but without support, I feel doomed to failure. How stupid is it that I NEED support but don't really feel I have anyone I can ask for it? This is, I suppose, a prime example of karma.

I also have a plethora of worries right now. Things going on that are not things I have any control or even influence over. When I find myself on the shore of the Pity Pond, I remember that there are other people who I care about who have things way worse than I do and they don't sit around weeping, wailing and gnashing their teeth. And I bet they don't stay up late blogging when they should be sleeping, either.

Goodnight, Internetz!

No Mystery Why I Am Tired...

2011-08-09T21:15:00.004-05:00

Mr. POSSLQ is already fast asleep. I wanted to stay up a little bit later than he did so I could feed the cats their gooshy food (which smells not so good to people, but apparently, cats are into foods that are....aromatic) after he went to sleep because the gooshy food makes him gag. So, he went to bed, I waited a few minutes, went to wash out the gooshy food bowl, put the gooshy food in the bowl and set it down for the cats. Who are ignoring it.

Then I figured I may as well clean up my desk a bit. And now, here I am... no longer tired (which I was up til the point I went to wash the bowl out).

I ate a very late lunch today (2PM) so wasn't hungry enough to eat dinner. Mr. POSSLQ opted to make EasyMac. Next week, he will be on-call again which means I probably won't have dinners. It is aggravating enough on weeks he's not on call when things like my 2PM lunch happen. When we don't know what time he will be getting home, it's next to impossible to plan dinner and ESPECIALLY with the heat we've been having, who wants to cook? Apparently, neither myself or Mr. POSSLQ care to cook in this heat (as evidenced by tonight's consumption of EasyMac!)

I suppose I need to get to bed before it gets too late, though. I've been really tired the last couple of days.

Oh.....one last thing before I say goodnight... I was walking down the hall at work today and noticed something...odd. I got closer and found something that looked like THIS:

I was not expecting to see that at work...Especially since we are on the second floor. Despite one co-worker's insistence that we kill it, the bossman herded it into an empty trashcan then took it outside (since it did not appear to be a venomous variety of snake) and released it. I'm not afraid of snakes, but since I am unfamiliar with the kinds of snakes we have around here, I didn't want to get to close and risk a bite. Hmmm, maybe bedtime was a bad time to talk about snakes...

Goodnight Internetz!

Runaway Train of Thought...

2011-08-04T22:02:00.003-05:00

I have been tragically unfocused this week. I can try to blame it on the heat, which I suppose is partially responsible because it keeps me from sleeping well.... It's getting up to 110 degrees during the day and "cooling down" to the high 80's at night. I am dreading the electric bill.

It's very distracting when you foresee a sad event coming up faster than you want it to and there is nothing you can do about it. Time... there's never enough time. I have been staying up late because if no one sees you cry, you may or may not really be crying, right?

And yet... on the very close horizon is the convention I've been waiting all year for. I am beside myself with excitement about it. I am so very excited to see certain people again. To get to have something that passes as a social life for a whole day even though the people I really want to see will be seeing so very many other people. I mean, I've been thinking of going to a Body by Vi "party" just to get to socialize and then I catch myself and realize that no matter the sheep's clothing it's wrapped in, it's just another MLM cult.

Work is still insanely stressful. Moreso because I don't have the focus to get anything done. Partly because of the Runaway Train of Thoughts and partly because every time I start to do anything I am interrupted umpteen times to try my hand at taming chaos for a minute.

And I checked the counter in the sidebar today and chuckled that there are 666 more days until an event I am looking forward to/dreading. I have to make a really drastic change in my life/lifestyle for the best results and I am fairly certain I will meet resistance. But THAT, my friends, is something to think about another day... for now, I need to get through tomorrow successfully, get things done at work and Saturday I need to enjoy the ever-loving Hell out of a convention. And then Sunday I get back to waiting for NEXT year's convention...

Ok, I think I've gotten enough out of my head that if I hurry, I can hit the pillow before the train gets started up again. Goodnight, Internetz.

I let my brain wander (and it didn't come back...)

2011-07-31T00:54:00.003-05:00

I was going to go to bed and then I figured I would write a quick blog post... and then I got sidetracked and now realize I have to do some cleanup on my blogroll. But I am not going to do that tonight (mostly because I am too lazy... which MAY be why it's out of date to begin with).

A week from now is STRIPCON, which I have been looking forward to since, well, pretty much since it ended last year. I'm pretty sure this week is going to seem like a REALLY LONG WEEK because I very seldom have something special planned for the weekend so, when I do, it's pretty exciting.

Saturday (yesterday, technically, since it is now after midnight) Mr. POSSLQ and I headed out to the Farmer's Market. We got some nice fruits and veggies and a couple of other goodies. I love the Farmer's Market... I admit I was pretty bummed that the Tralemix folks weren't there, though. I am sortve hopelessly addicted to their "Wedding" mix.

Mr. POSSLQ also ended up as the back-up for the on-call guy at work this week which pretty much totally sucked. It pretty much means that he had two straight weeks of being on-call since the on-call guy this week fussed about stuff and handed everything he possibly could off to Mr. POSSLQ.

I'd better get to bed. I really didn't get anything done today and so I should really try to get stuff done tomorrow. Which I can't do if I am sleeping. But I REALLY need sleep, so I guess I'll make that my first priority. Goodnight, Internetz!

Nothing...it's what's for dinner...

2011-07-24T00:26:00.003-05:00

Back when I was still married to the Wasband, I worked (sometimes multiple jobs) and the Wasband did not work and when I'd come home at night, the LAST thing I wanted to do was cook dinner. And so, I didn't. If the Wasband and The Girl wanted to eat, he cooked or she cooked or they ate cereal or sandwiches or uncooked Ramen Noodles (yes, really). I know, I know, no WONDER I never got that "Mother of the Year" award. But, the Wasband didn't work and I did and since I was in charge of every other damn thing (cleaning, bill paying, etc) I figured cooking could be someone else's job.

Mr. POSSLQ has been on call for the last week. That means we have no clue what time (if?) he'll be home so dinners are pretty impossible to plan for when he's on-call. Last week's grocery shopping trip saw us buying Kraft Mac n Cheese, frozen waffles and cereal.

But, here's the thing. When it's just me, most of the time I don't give a crap whether I eat dinner or not. And I think I had dinner ONE night in the last week because I'd not gotten to have lunch that day. The rest of the week? I skipped it. And I didn't care. And I didn't feel guilty or deprived or anything. I was happy to not have to figure out what I was going to have (although I had options should I have wanted to eat). I ate late lunches a couple of the days so I really just wasn't hungry at what would have been "dinner time". But I have to tell you that most of the time, I really don't much care about eating dinner.

It's probably going to sound stupid, but it's really stressful for me to plan dinners and when it's as hot as it has been, who the hell feels like cooking? Not me. I don't even really feel like eating. And if I'm honest with myself, I would probably be better off if I didn't eat dinner at all or if I just had a salad or some fruit. At least Monday-Thursday. Weekends are different, especially Sundays, because Mr. POSSLQ often makes a Sunday Dinner. And I think a big difference on weekends is that I usually don't eat lunch and that we eat earlier (5PM as opposed to 7PM, which, if you plan on going to bed at 9PM is a pretty significant difference). Another part of the difference is that you have the TIME on the weekend to fuss around in the kitchen rather than hurrying to eat before it's bedtime.

Tomorrow (hmmm, since it's after midnight I guess it is more accurate to say "later on today") I have to do the grocery shopping. I have no idea what's for dinner tomorrow night (since Mr. POSSLQ is still on-call) and no idea what to plan to make for the rest of the week (as we continue the ungodly hot weather which those of us Just South of Nowhere refer to as "Southern Summertime") I've actually really been pining for some Thai food the past few days but not the kind of Thai I can make at home (which just DOES NOT taste the same as what you get at the Thai restaurant) and I am pretty sure Mr. POSSLQ would make a frowny face if I suggested Thai (especially since no Thai places deliver...) I wonder if he'd be ok with Animal Crackers and Nutella for dinner? (What? It's tasty! You should try it! And only a KNIFE to clean up unless you're dipping directly into the Nutella container...)

Of course, if I don't get to bed, I'm not going to get up in time to do anything useful tomorrow. And I have a long list of things to do. So, I'll say goodnight for now, Internetz!

Change

2011-07-21T11:58:00.005-05:00

Every once in a while, most people, including me, have a time that they look at what they’ve been doing and you realize that what you’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. Maybe it never really worked but it got to be a habit and it’s easier to just “go with the flow” instead of constantly trying to swim against the tide. But eventually you realize you’re putting a great deal of time and effort into something and getting a pretty lousy ROI.

Having that realization and finding ways to change the status quo can be difficult. You may realize that things aren’t working but not know the best way to make change happen. And my marriage to the Wasband taught me that you cannot change anyone but yourself. The thing is, once you undertake changing yourself, people who are used to the way you were (and have been) tend to get in a kerfuffle because they were used to you being/behaving a certain way and now you’re being/behaving differently and some will be quite articulate in letting you know that they do not appreciate the change one little bit (maybe because you’ve stopped being a doormat and they were used to wiping their feet on you).

Sometimes you figure out that things aren’t working but it takes a while to figure out the best way to make changes to make things work. Or you try new things that sometimes don’t work, either. It can be a long process. And sometimes you realize that there is just nothing that can be done to make a particular situation work. And sometimes the best option is to wait until conditions are different to go forward with changes.

In 2006, I made a big change in my life. It was a step towards where I wanted to be, but was not the big change ultimately needed. In 2009, I made the next big change in my life. And with very few exceptions, the change has been really good for me. I’m not going to lie and say it was painless or without significant times of doubt and second guessing. But it was moving forward and there was really no way of going back and there was really nothing to go back to. Bridges were burned…not intentionally, but they were burned nonetheless.

Sometimes, though, the isolation gets to me. I get to feeling lonely. This wouldn’t be alleviated by going back to what was because what was is actually not there anymore. The people are gone/ have moved on and/or the relationships are lost for one reason or another. All that can be done is to move forward and try to find a way to forge new relationships. And to figure out how to make things work again, as painlessly as is possible. I don’t know that we ever stop changing… as soon as you change/adapt you find that you need to make more changes to keep up with things. Letting go of the comfortable/familiar to take a leap of faith is both frightening and necessary. If you don't grow, you die....not in the literal sense, but in a very real emotional & spiritual sense. I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to die yet.

Time to Go The F*ck to Sleep!

2011-07-11T22:54:00.003-05:00

I used to fancy myself a good writer. Not a GREAT writer, but a good one. I was sure that I could and would write a novel (or three) one day. And I have tried... but there are distractions in life. Holding a job, taking care of pets, trying to have something that passes as a social life and I haven't been able to sit down and write anything that I believe anyone else would think is worth their time to read.

Lately, I am frustrated with needing a creative outlet and not having the time. I know, I know, if it was REALLY important to me I'd MAKE the time. But when I get home from work, my brain is fried. Weekends are spent trying to get chores done and keep the apartment from looking like a pack of wolves live here. I kept telling myself that once I had a job and things calmed down and settled into a routine a little bit that maybe I could and would get back to my creative pursuits. But now that things are relatively stable, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. (There are reasons for this, but I shan't go into them because it's not something I can discuss right now).

I find myself daydreaming about scenarios which have no basis in reality and yet, the momentary escape finds me breathing easier and getting that annoying Pollyanna smile on my face. I find myself questioning what is really important to me. I find myself wondering if this is really "as good as it gets".

It's after 11PM as I write this. I'm all wound up tonight and even the Tylenol PM isn't making a dent in it. I feel like I've been walking in a circle in the forest for hours and am just starting to notice that things look awfully familiar. And the woodland creatures are all snickering at me. And hey... maybe the Tylenol PM IS kicking in.

I still have a story in me. Perhaps foolishly, I still believe that. But it's wrapped up in a blanket of responsibilities, real and imagined, shoved into a dark closet like a beloved childhood stuffed animal remembered fondly but misplaced in the passage of time. A cloud of negativity and self-doubt stop me from seriously considering claiming what is in the attic of my mind. I keep thinking about how it's going to be when life settles down when the answer is that that is a luxury I will likely never know.

It's time to go and try to give up my wakefulness to the night. I will likely be stompled by a cat for my trouble. It's very interesting to both wish for change and dread it simultaneously. I don't recommend it.

Goodnight, Internetz!

The Tomato Diaries - To Bee or Not to Bee?

2011-07-07T21:43:00.002-05:00

The tomato plants are still alive.... "Lefty" is growing taller and "Righty" has a couple of flowers but... nary a tiny fruit starting from the flowers... which leads me to believe we suffer from a distinct lack of bees. So, I may get good, strong, tall plants and never get a tomato from them because they NEED the pollination for things to grow.

I know I've been quiet for a while... things have been chaotic. There is a big dollop of drama at work (stuff going on that doesn't directly involve me but that has 2 of the bosses in a tizzy) and co-workers having catastrophes and disasters (pets, spouses and elderly parents, oh my!)

And I desperately need to catch up on things at home but by the time the weekend comes around I am emotionally exhausted and after the MANDATORY chores are done, there's just really nothing left of me physically or mentally. Add to that a goodly bit of chaos on the home front that I have no idea how to resolve so it will all be "ok"... because every configuration I can currently imagine has a down side for someone involved... there don't seem to be win-win scenarios but maybe that's because I'm overtired and stressed and not in the most optimistic frame of mind. And part of my major malfunction is something I've mentioned before. When there is chaos (in the form of messy rooms, desks, etc.) it is nearly impossible for me to focus on anything else. And the problem with sharing living space with anyone is that each person feels as though if only THEIR needs were met, they'd have more to give to other situations which results in NO ONE's needs being met and that leads to simmering resentments and looking up how to make chloroform on the internetz (yeah, I went there... but I'll refrain from posting how I feel about THAT whole mess).

I have a big pile of books I should be studying. But there's the whole "crap, I have things I need to get done" thing and the aforementioned OCD malfunction, so onto the Workflowy "brain dump" list of things to do the books go.

If you see any bees (the helpful, garden type, not the angry, sting-y type), please direct them to my tomato plants. Thanks!

The Tomato Diaries - Transplanting

2011-06-22T18:57:00.002-05:00

As I looked at the tomato plants tonight, I realized that there was no way they would survive living in the swamp they were living in. In fact, the one that has flowers also looks as if it is mere seconds from dying. So I pondered my options...

1. Let them sit in the swamp and die.
2. Try and siphon off some of the water.
3. Just get it over with and throw the whole kitten caboodle in the trash.
4. Find another container, strain the swampy dirt, transplant the tomatoes into the still wet but significantly LESS wet strained dirt.

I went with option #4. Using the scoop I use for the kitty litter (YES, I WASHED IT FIRST), I painstakingly scooped and let drain countless scoops of swampy dirt. I also noticed water (because the dirt was absolutely saturated) pooling up and thought about how to deal with that... We use Yesterday's News (recycled newspaper pellets) as litter for the chinchilla cage so I grabbed some of it, made a "moat" around the outside edges of the container, where the water quickly pooled, then tossed the Yesterday's News in until I didn't see water anymore. The Yesterday's News is not toxic or anything, so it shouldn't hurt the plants.

I am HOPING that less water + Yesterday's News + sunlight + warm temps+moving the plants somewhere that they will not get rain in their container but WILL still get sunlight will equal happy, growing tomato plants.

I am REALLY not wanting to write "The Tomato Diaries - Requiem"...

The Tomato Diaries - The Deluge

2011-06-21T20:46:00.002-05:00

We had rain last night that lasted into the morning. Fine and dandy except when you are trying to grow tomatoes in a container that cannot drain (because I am pretty sure the downstairs neighbors would be pretty pissed to have mud/water all over THEIR porch/patio) the container fills up with water (that has nowhere to go). So, I went out this morning (whilst it was still raining) and moved the VERY, VERY heavy container to a place under the overhang where the porch was dry. I moved it again this afternoon so the plants will still get sunlight even under the overhang. Of course, the container is pretty swampy right now and I am not sure the tomato plants will recover from this and be ok. Which is a big bummer since there was a flower on one of them just yesterday.

All of this just makes me sad because I am pretty sure that I will not again have a place where I can have a proper garden so if the tomatoes in a container experiment fails, there will be no fresh (grown by me) tomatoes in my future. *sigh

I went to a seminar today on Human Resources Law which I really enjoyed and I learned quite a bit. Next month I have an Advanced Excel class. I like going to classes and learning new things. It isn't that I DON'T like going to work, but it has been ages since I've had the opportunity to go out and take classes, so I am really enjoying it.

So, I hope the tomato swamp dries up/firms up some and that the plants don't die. I don't want to have to write "The Tomato Diaries - Requiem"...

Somewhat Non-Slacker Sunday

2011-06-19T16:48:00.002-05:00

I have to admit that more often than not, I don't get much done on the weekends. And then I regret it all week long when it would be nice to have things orderly but they aren't because I sat around and did nothing on the weekend.

Yesterday, Mr. POSSLQ and I got up at the crack of insanity to go to the laundromat. He usually does this himself but I wanted my blankets washed and so went along to wrangle my blankets. There are disturbing "cartoons" on at the laundromat. Not the Pink Panther and Tweety and Sylvester of MY youth... oh no... Things with otters consorting with submarines and small children consorting with pink elephants... and all in Spanish (such is the native language Just South of Nowhere). Anyhoo, we finished up at the lavanderia (Spanish for laundromat) and then trekked off to The Farmer's Market.

We had stumbled upon The Farmer's Market in the past but always got there as things were winding down and there really wasn't much left to see. We managed to get there plenty early this time, though. We bought tomatoes, cucumbers, green beans, strawberries and blackberries. We also picked up some spices and a loaf of sourdough bread. Then we wandered around the small "square" area which houses shops (many of which weren't open so early in the morning), some restaurants (not open due to early time) and apartments we cannot even afford to look at. There is a cupcakerie there which we sat outside of for the 15 minutes before they opened and we had cupcakes for breakfast. (Because good nutrition is so very important)!

After that, we headed down the road (the long way around) vaguely homeward. We stopped at the Half Price Book Store and browsed around there for a while and then continued our trek. We had pre-determined that we had a lunch destination in mind.

A little back story to the lunch stop... back on The Frozen Tundra, we had found a nice little Greek restaurant that we liked (oddly, owned and run by a Russian woman) and since moving Just South of Nowhere, we've tried to find another nice Greek place (that isn't too painful to the wallet. We tried one place shortly after we got here that was GOOD but incredibly PRICEY). So, Mr. POSSLQ found a potentially yummy Greek place in his work travels and we went to check it out. Since it was just lunch, we decided to keep it simple and get pita sandwiches. I got the classic Gyros sandwich and Mr. POSSLQ got a pork souvlaki sandwich. We were both very pleased with our selections and will go back again some time for dinner.

Today, I got up at a reasonable time (which may or may not have had to do with a certain footstalking cat attacking my feet) and had some breakfast (berries and bacon! NOM!) and then I cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed the bedroom and the hall, cleaned the kitty box, vacuumed the livingroom, cleaned the cat's fountain/bowl (including changing the filter), cleaned out the fridge and vacuumed up all the debris around the chinchilla cage and kitty box. And yet, I feel bad because the laundry isn't put away (and I'd have to clean the closet to do that and I promise you that THAT is not going to happen today).

Hope y'all are having a good weekend, Internetz! Have a stellar week!

Momma Weedy's Wisdom II

2011-06-18T20:29:00.002-05:00

That Woman is away from her computer and left herself logged in, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to share some more of my superior wisdom with all of you.

Remember back in January when I told you Mister Man (the love of my life) said he was going to get a cat wetterer? I thought it'd be nice for him to get me a gift. And That Woman got a Cat Wetterer and gave it to him. It is a beautiful purple colour and I was Oh So Excited to finally get my gift. And yet, it's just sat on Mister Man's desk for MONTHS and he hasn't shared it with me.... Until last night. I was singing a particularly lovely aria in the livingroom (although the acoustics in the bathroom are far superior and are closer in proximity to where Mister Man and That Woman sleep) and Mister Man came stomping out of the bedroom mumbling something about the Cat Wetterer... then he went to the sink and then he came and found me and (OH, the indignity!) sprayed me with (UGH!) WATER! And told me to stop singing or he'd use the Cat Wetterer to spray me with water AGAIN! I ask you, is that any way to show appreciation for my lovely operatic arias?

I'm fairly certain that That Woman misinformed him about the purpose of a Cat Wetterer and that Mister Man and I will get it sorted out. Maybe he will spray That Woman in her face when she starts making that awful honkshu noise when I am trying to get my much needed nap in between arias. Singing is terribly hard work, you know. My regular 20 hour a day sleep schedule needs a supplementary nap or two if I am to properly serenade Mister Man.

It is such a hard life I lead. Off now to smack my idiot brother around a bit. Maybe I can get Mister Man to spray HIM with some water....

Friend Ship Sunk?

2011-06-14T13:05:00.002-05:00

A while back I think I’d mentioned that I thought I’d found a local friend. Here I am a couple of months later and I think the best I can say is that the friend ship sunk. Well, maybe not SUNK so much as just has taken on water and is not going anywhere.

I’ll be the first to admit that this is my fault. I have some pretty firm ideas about friendship and they may be erroneous notions and are probably why I can’t make/keep friends.

First, it’s not much of a friendship in my book if only one of the people ever contacts the other and says “hey, want to do something”. Sure, friend #2 may be totally game every time a suggestion is made, but really, there needs to be some mutual interest. I get to feeling I am being a pest if I am the one always saying "Hey, wanna do something"?

Second… it’s awkward for part of a married couple to be friends with someone who is either single or has a partner who has no interest in doing “couples” things. I “get” that. I can’t imagine the husband of a couple likes hanging out with his wife’s friend (unless, you know, she’s good-looking which is not an issue in my case).

Time is also an issue. Because I work, weekdays are pretty hard for me to find time to get together with anyone and weekends always seem to fill up with chores to do, errands to run and things that need to get done that were put off during the week.

Anyhow, I am sortve disappointed that things didn’t really seem to “click”. It’s hard to meet someone and be “on the same page” with them, I guess. And the fact that I just really haven’t had any close friends for years maybe indicates that the kind of friendship I am hoping for is unrealistic. Just like the romantic vision I have in my head will never come to fruition. So, I guess I have to decide whether I should be scaling back my vision of the ideal or just be at peace with the reality that is…

That being said, I've not given up on my friend... I am just not sure how to approach the idea of getting together again after not having been in touch. I'm pretty sure "Hi, look, I know I've been a crappy friend..." gets old after a while. Isn't this all the sort of thing I was supposed to have learned in Kindergarten? (Hmmmm, my approach in Kindergarten was a tad "rough around the edges"... I seem to recall it involved headlocks...I was good at getting boys in headlocks... maybe this explains my relationship issues, as well...)

Ok, back to work. I'll ponder this more. Have a stellar week, Internetz!

The Tomato Diaries - Day One

2011-06-11T12:53:00.003-05:00

I'm still learning how things go here Just South of Nowhere... I probably could have planted tomatoes back in April or early May here. But, I didn't. I planted them today. 2 plants. And yes, I am aware that, for what I spent on the soil, trowel, tomato cages and plants I likely could have purchased 10 pounds of tomatoes. That's not the point. The point is that I like to grow tomatoes and will thoroughly enjoy the tomato salad that I get from the plants that I grew.

And so, on my slightly scary (due to its ricketyness) "balcony", there are two little tomato plants. They should get enough sunlight so that they will grow. There should not be any bunnies or chipmunks who will come along and eat their fruits like was wont to happen back at The Little House on the Hill. (Seeing as how I live on the second floor and I think I'd be frightened of the bunny that could get to my balcony!)

Other than that, not too much to report. Last week I was REALLY sick with what I am pretty sure was a nasty case of food poisoning. It made me stop and think about the fact that I need to be way more careful with what I am eating.

Wish my lil' tomato plants luck, Internetz... I'll update you as things progress.

Weekend Started Early

2011-05-27T23:32:00.002-05:00

I took today (Friday) off work and have Monday off for the Memorial Day Holiday. I accomplished pretty much what I hoped to today and got the office cleaned up. I got a few things done in other parts of the house, as well, but the office was my main focus for the day.

Tomorrow I need to focus on the bedroom. Admittedly, part of the reason the office is in good shape is because I moved stuff from the office to the bedroom. It's a process. If all goes well tomorrow then I can work on the livingroom on Sunday and will have Monday to actually work on some projects. The livingroom got mostly done a couple of weeks ago, there are just a few minor things there to get done. I am not sure whether Mr. POSSLQ will have the time or motivation to work on the kitchen. I think I've mentioned before that I am just not good at the whole "housewife" thing. I tend to stay out of the kitchen because it's really better for everyone that way. I think Mr. POSSLQ gets frustrated with my process for cleaning. Partly because it generates many, many bags of trash and we live sortve far away from the dumpster and the stairs do NOT make the whole journey any easier.

Mr. POSSLQ does not get Memorial Day off. Not only that, he then has to be on-call for the week. Which means he will be in a less than stellar mood all week long. It also means that dinners should be of the "make it your damn self" variety. Mr. POSSLQ also found out that the person he replaced at his job is coming back and that may mean a change on the horizon for Mr. POSSLQ at work that will involve being on-call more frequently and that isn't good for anything (except racking up overtime, which is kinda good from a fatter paycheck perspective). Of course, Mr. POSSLQ's ultimate goal is to be finding another job entirely but that has been hampered to date by not being able to take time off to interview and the fact that the market is such right now that most of the jobs that he would normally pursue pay about $4 an hour LESS than he makes at his current job and we just can't scrape by on that.

So... overall today was really positive. I got things done and am pretty happy with what I got done. Wishing y'all a very happy and safe holiday weekend!

Still here... Post-Rapture Post

2011-05-22T18:59:00.003-05:00

I am assuming, if The Rapture DID actually occur, that I am down a reader or two. I'm still here, though and am glad that all the earthquake and zombie activity didn't happen. I'm hoping for lighter traffic on the way to work tomorrow, too, but that's probably just getting greedy.

In any case, I did not get Raptured. However, the turn signals on the car work again (ALLELUIA!)
And the coming weekend is (for me, unfortunately NOT for Mr. POSSLQ) a long weekend. (Which means I'll probably be cooking dinner next Monday). Also, my desktop computer isn't making the horrible noise it was making a couple of weeks ago so I am using it again. With a new monitor (Mr. POSSLQ found a really good sale). The new monitor is a flat screen...SO much better than the HUGE, unwieldy monitor I got with the dinosaur of a computer (that I am still using). In fact, if I moved things around a bit, I'd bet I could get two of these monitors on my desk and have a dual monitor setup. I used to think that dual monitors were a waste, but having had dual monitor setups at work a couple of times now has made me see just how helpful it can be (I REALLY wish my work computer would support dual monitors!)

Other than that, this was a pretty low-key weekend. I didn't feel the greatest (nothing major, just minor, annoying things). I am very grateful to have the turn signals fixed because while a majority of the drivers here do not use them 98% of the time, the propensity for "surprise" roadwork and the NEED to switch lanes (which people are not too kind about letting you do without a turn signal) unexpectedly makes the signals invaluable. Plus, it seemed like, when they were NOT working, there was ALWAYS a police vehicle behind me when I was planning to turn and I didn't want to get ticketed (I'm not cute enough to use the jiggle-giggle to get out of a ticket).

So, for all y'all that didn't get Raptured and are still reading, I'm glad you're here. I feel a bit bad for all the folks that believed with all their hearts that Judgement Day was coming, but honestly, I'm glad I'm still here. Have a good week, Internetz!

A few random thoughts...

2011-05-18T21:02:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure how to interpret the fact that no one seemed the least bit concerned that I was dreaming about wrestling Charlie Sheen (previous post).

On one hand, maybe y'all have been reading long enough to not be shocked by anything my psyche throws at me (and, by extension, at you... when I blog about it). On the other hand, maybe y'all are drafting papers to have me committed... I was kindve hoping that I had finally found something that The Bloggess would be interested in, but I didn't get any hits from her neck of the woods... I am consoling myself with the fact that she is in the throes of writing a book right now and really doesn't have time to be reading blogs. And, I suppose everyone is pretty busy preparing for The Rapture on Saturday.

I still really need to get my desktop computer fixed. I can get by on my lappie but for daily use, prefer my desktop computer (as old and decrepit as it is). I'm not sure that we will have time to look at it/fix it this coming weekend... the weekend seems to be filling up. The following weekend I have a master plan (it being a three day weekend for me) for getting some things done. So, really, who knows when it will be functional again?

I'm a tich upset that I will be missing a big Comic Convention this coming weekend. I didn't know about it in time to get tickets and I am pretty sure that it's not Mr. POSSLQ's "thing" and I don't know if I would want to go to a convention alone. I'm also a little bummed about missing the local Renaissance Festival again this year but again, probably not something Mr. POSSLQ would be terribly interested in and not something that is fun to do alone. I am trying to convince myself that the webcomic expo we go to every year should be good enough. I really want to go to the hedgehog convention in the fall, too, but that'll just make me want to get a hedgehog and I am pretty sure that since the landlord had never heard of a chinchilla that they'd probably want a $500 deposit for me to have a hedgehog. (If they allowed me to have one at all) Trust me, the dogs that have been allowed in the complex in the past 6 months (the ones that BARK ALL THE DAMN TIME) are a million times more of a nuisance than a hedgehog would ever be. At least a hedgie wouldn't keep the neighbor up all night.

And I wonder how different my life would be today, if THIS had been a reality...

Wrestling Charlie Sheen

2011-05-15T19:55:00.003-05:00

I had a dream last night that I was training for a wrestling match. The match planning started after a long night of Absinthe and Jagermeister shots in which I (literally) drank Charlie Sheen under the table. As revenge, he proposed a wrestling match. It was warm-up for him before wrestling The Rock. No, I don't know why ANY of this was in my psyche. I have no idea why my brain even conceived of the notion of wrestling Charlie Sheen.

This morning, as I was contemplating what to do with the day.... Mr. POSSLQ asked if I wanted breakfast. I was certainly hungry but could not form a coherent thought about what would be good for breakfast. I asked if we had any mango chutney... Mr. POSSLQ asked if that meant I wanted pupadums for breakfast and I said "I dunno... wrestling Charlie Sheen"... which meant that my brain was obviously too foggy to think anything worth thinking because I'd been training, in my dream, for a wrestling match with Charlie Sheen.

In case you are wondering (or want to have a full description to give to the mental hospital as you dial their number and tell them my address), I never did wrestle Charlie Sheen. I gave him my necklace, which I have had for more than 20 years. Told him that it wasn't worth my possibly being crippled for life and that I'd rather be able to walk away missing a significant portion of my soul (as I see my necklace) than be unable to walk if I hurt my knee wrestling him. He, by the way, did well in his match against The Rock, but in the end, was felled by The Rock Bottom and The People's Elbow. The Goddesses wouldn't come to walk him out of the ring afterwards so I called to the arena and managed to get permission to teleport Charlie out. The world never figured out what had happened... he just disappeared from the ring.

In the dream, my necklace reappeared under my pillow. I was too happy to question why or how. Charlie Sheen and I played pool. When I asked him about it he just smiled and rambled about Tiger Blood and ponies. It didn't matter, we had mojitos and a pool table. It was cool.

I think maybe I need a vacation.

Life Labyrinth

2011-05-12T10:47:00.000-05:00

I’ve gotten to a point in life where many people I now know have had many life stages they’ve gone through before we even met. Many of us at at a point where it wouldn’t be ridiculous if we started writing our memoirs (not that they would be particularly INTERESTING) they wouldn’t be complete drivel (like, say, Justin Bieber’s memoir… I can’t fathom he’s had the time to do that much that’s really worth knowing about). But people in my age group may now be divorced or widowed… they may have had their grandparents and even parents pass away. They’ve lived, loved, (maybe lost) and are still here to tell the tale. And it’s interesting to hear the tales because the person they talk about (themselves at a younger age) is so much different from the person we now know.

Believe it or not, there are people who find out that I was diagnosed with dysthymia who are incredulous. They tell me they can’t imagine me as a depressed person. There are people who know me now who don’t know that once upon a time I was married and someone’s mom. Not because I intentionally hide it from anyone, just because it’s not something I go out of my way to talk about. Which leaves me wondering if we ever REALLY know anyone.

So, I guess it really shouldn’t surprise me that someone who has been very unhappy for the several years that I have known them says that once upon a time they were happy. It shouldn’t be unfathomable to me, but it’s not something I have ever personally witnessed in regards to this person so I guess I do find it a bit astounding. And I really do wish that this person could again find happiness, but have to admit that I cannot even begin to figure out how that would ever come about.

The reason I say that is that there are people who say/think “when I’m finished with school” or “when I’m married and have children” or “when I’ve gotten a job in my chosen profession” then they will be happy. And, sometimes that’s true. Sometimes they achieve the stated goal and are still unhappy because they’ve started looking to the next level… they finished their bachelor’s degree but have decided that what they REALLY need/want is a Master’s degree… or they get married and have children but now really need a bigger house or feel trapped in a life they hadn’t imagined or they get a job in their chosen profession only to realize that it isn’t all they had imagined or they aren’t earning what they feel they should. And I can't imagine what set of circumstances could lead my friend to a happy life, just because I have absolutely no concept of what a happy life would be like for this person... it's hard to imagine what you've never known.

And maybe it’s just me who can find the humor in the following… If you think I’m a hot mess now, you should have been around 20 years ago! And realize that if things go well, I am too busy to be blogging about it. And that there are people I know now who honestly cannot envision me as a depressed person because the only “me” they know is generally positive.

Am I without issues? Certainly not. But, for me, blogging is my therapy. (Well, ok, blogging and bubble wrap… which is highly therapeutic) And it no more “fixes” me than therapy or medication. What it helps me with, though, is keeping from becoming MORE broken. It provides me with a way to relate and puzzle through what goes on in the labyrinth that is my life.

If you are young enough that you have a lifetime of opportunity in front of you, then maybe what you read here will serve as a caution. Or maybe read some of the other more uplifting blogs on the internet (several of which you will find on the sidebar of my blog).

Rest assured, though, if The Rapture comes on May 21 as some modern-day prophets seem to believe that it will, I’m prepared to answer for whatever is in the Book of Life without shame, because I’ve put much work into making my life worthwhile. It is my fervent hope that everyone who reads this blog can say the same.

Stressful Weekend

2011-05-08T22:37:00.002-05:00

I've survived another Mother's Day. I know it might not seem a big deal, but when your motherhood experience is as messed up as mine is (and I take the lion's share of the responsibility for that), Mother's Day becomes a burning reminder of your failure as a woman.

The weekend was supposed to be productive. It ended up being very unproductive. And that lack of productivity is going to make this week very difficult.

On top of the stress of Mother's Day, we ended up needing to replace Mr. POSSLQ's cell phone. The car needs a fairly major repair (that cannot be afforded right now) and my computer needs at least a new fan to become operational again (also, cannot be afforded right now). We honestly could not afford the new phone, but Mr. POSSLQ needs a phone for work so we did what we had to do (no, they do NOT pay for/provide/reimburse him for it, because the account is in my name and we can't change that).

I KNOW that the disarray that the apartment is in is causing me a ton of stress but I can't seem to get the time to pull things together. I got the livingroom in good shape this weekend but it came at the expense of the bedroom and when things HAD to be moved back out into the livingroom, it made it look like I'd accomplished nothing this weekend. We DESPERATELY need bookshelves but, again, not in the budget.

It is difficult to impossible for me to get things done as far as producing new products for my online store as long as things are in disarray. Are you starting to see some circular logic problems here? I need more money to be able to get organized to make more money... I am contemplating requesting the Friday before Memorial Day off so I can have a 4-day weekend and maybe get some significant progress made.

I'll close this by saying I watched my favorite Mother's Day video and it made me feel a little better. Unless you are into very dark humour, don't click the link.

Love to the Moms out there...and to the women who want to become Moms and to the women who have decided that motherhood isn't really for them. Knowing your limitations is a strength. Also, much love to The Girl... I know it might not seem like it, but I'm glad I made the choice I made.

May Day

2011-05-01T20:29:00.003-05:00

May Day as in "the first day of May" and not as in "HELP"!

I would like to say that this has been a productive weekend. That, however, would be a lie. I DID, however, get something I have been wanting for a while. I got a steam cleaner for the carpet. (I KNOW!! What a wild life I lead, right?) It is assembled, but I haven't fired it up yet. That's probably a project for next weekend.

The dishwasher didn't get fixed. Instead, it was replaced with a brand new one. So, no more assault upon my manicure (HA!) and we have clean dishes again.

I cleaned the bathroom today. I know you're probably thinking "yeah, big deal"... Well, let me tell you that cleaning the bathroom is one of my least favorite jobs and I rank it right up there on the list of "Things I have done that I never want to do again" along with being pregnant and suffering from a severely sprained knee. Yet, cleaning the bathroom must be done and I will admit to putting it off longer than I should because I deeply dislike doing it. If I ever won the lottery, I would probably hire someone to clean my bathroom. I mean, I don't think I would have a maid or anything, but I'd have someone come and clean my bathroom.

I had my 90 day review at work. No surprises. One thing to work on which I knew needed work. It's nothing major, just a particular task which I am slow doing because I am using a new skillset to do it.

Yesterday (Saturday) was just a weird day. Just small, random, weird things occurred. Today was a pretty quiet day with one foray out to get some things from the pet store and pick up the new steam cleaner.

And now, it's time for bed. Half past time for bed, actually... Goodnight Internetz.

P.S. Very thankful that the Crooked Acres folks are ok.

Beauty Duty - Ten on Tuesday

2011-04-26T19:35:00.002-05:00

I saw this on another blog and because I am just not that girly, thought it might be a hoot!

1. How many blogs do you read every day and what are they? (I’m talking the ones you NEVER miss)

I read what's in my Google Reader (which is what is in my blogroll + many more) every day. I tend to save Bitchypoo for last consistently because it almost ALWAYS has adorable kitties. I look forward to what VeryBadCat writes, even if I don't comment all of the time (which I know irks her, but sometimes what I feel about what she writes is just too big for words). I also read everything The Bloggess posts. The Bloggess is my celebrity crush.

I miss Stoogepie and Dingo's blogs. I used to read those two religiously. There are a bunch more that I follow and if you weren't listed here, don't feel slighted... if I listed every blog I love, we'd be here all night.

I also read Mr. POSSLQ and KrippledWarrior's blogs when they post.

2. How many “best friends” do you have? Do you have different “besties” for different areas of your life?

I don't really have "besties"... which makes me a little sad. There are a TON of bloggers I would LOVE to be besties with, though.... Perfectly Shelly, Dingo, VeryBadCat, LiLu, Maxie, Kurt, Robyn, The Bloggess (and on and on and on) but honestly, I'd settle for getting to meet these folks in person some day even if we never made it to BFF status!

3. What’s your daily makeup routine?

Ok, once I stopped laughing at this question I figured the easiest way to put it is that I don't have one. I brush my teeth and wash my face and USUALLY just call that "good enough".

4. What is your ideal girl’s night?

I would LOVE to find a female friend to go to The Melting Pot (fondue restaurant) with. The last time I really did a "girls night" with a friend we went to the Afghani restaurant that we both liked (but our husbands did not) for our birthdays (both in March) and we watched the "Ya Ya Sisterhood" movie. (Yeah, it's been a while).

I would LOVE to go to Blogger's in Sin City which is a long weekend of (mostly) girl time. But I doubt it'll ever happen. (But, hey, I COULD win the lottery).

5. Do you keep up with your nails/toenails or are they au natural?

My nails (both finger and toe) are in HORRIBLE condition. Mr. POSSLQ will periodically paint my toenails, though. Most of the time they are in "au natural - completely wrecked" condition, though.

6. What’s your best roommate story (assuming you had a roommate at some point in your life)?

Since I went to boarding school, I had a roommate for a couple of years there.

I think, though, that the most unique story I have though is when my 1st hubby and I broke up I moved into a room in a house. I had zero say over the tenants in the other rooms (all of whom moved in after me) and they ended up being guys. 2 dudes in the middle room, they were construction workers and drank AT LEAST a case of beer apiece every night. And the dude in the front room was a college student. We shared a kitchen and a bathroom. I seldom saw them. But my room shared a wall with the bathroom... and if you drink a case of beer, you pee loud and long. At least, that's what it seemed like in the mornings.

7. What’s your “go to” outfit that you wear more than anything else?

I actually have a very monochromatic wardrobe... so it'll be a black shirt and black skirt.

8. Do you have a beauty secret?

I really wish I did. But no one has ever accused me of being beautiful, so I guess I am off the hook.

9. Did you read Seventeen magazine growing up?

I don't know if it was even around when I was growing up so, no, never read it. Or any other "beauty" or "fashion" magazines. I read my mom's Ladie's Home Journal and Reader's Digest, though.

10. How did you learn to put on makeup?

I never have learned to put on makeup, which is probably why I don't wear it on the regular. I wasn't allowed when I was living at home and in high school I couldn't afford it. I think it really has hurt me in the professional world that I just can't seem to get into the habit of wearing makeup.

That being said, I LOVE Scaredy Cat Cosmetics when I DO wear makeup!

It's NOT snowing!

2011-04-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

Never let it be said that I can’t take a hint.

Things have been a lil’ gloomy here on the ol’ blog lately and I’m going to blame the gray skies & rain (which, let me tell you, beats the SNOW they are STILL getting up on The Frozen Tundra!!)

I have a three day weekend this weekend and, as is typical for me, I have a three mile long “To-Do” list. I need to do some rabble rousing and get the people in the office at my apartment complex to understand that I need to get my dishwasher fixed. I did get a dish rack and I’ve been doing dishes but I’ve not quite caught up. I’m going to do a quick fix on one of the “problem areas” in the house but then have a plan formulated for the REAL fix and, of course, I want to be sure to get some new bath fizzies and lip balms made this weekend so I can gear things up for Mother’s Day.

It has also become apparent that a fan in my desktop computer is not long for this world, so a new one will be procured this weekend.

On a VERY positive note… the past couple of weeks the boss and I have been struggling with a certain program on my computer. She finally decided to order a new disk and when she installed it we had the same problem we’d been having. And then I got a brilliant idea which I tried and IT WORKED! So, major brownie points for figuring out something that we had been struggling with!

I may actually go to a theater and see a movie. While I am generally not in favor of remakes, I am intrigued by the new “Arthur” remake. I saw the original and the trailer makes the new one look like it wouldn’t be horrible (but, you never know, maybe the best bits are in the trailer).

Wish me luck on getting things done this weekend and, if you celebrate, have a joyous Easter!

If It Makes You Happy....

2011-04-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

“If it makes you happy”… is a phrase I dislike immensely. I know it’s meant to be something that DOES make you happy but most of the time it is said as a concession of defeat, a sign that the other person is distinctly UNHAPPY about a situation and is acquiescing because they don’t want to fight or don’t care enough about the issue at hand to rock the boat. It is closely related to “Whatever will make you happy”, which is also not a genuine wish for your happiness, but again, is borne of defeat or lack of will to fight further.

Y’all might recall how excited I was that I found a friend here locally. I love and adore my internet friends but sometimes it is nice to have someone to go to dinner with, ya know? Believe me, I wish I had the resources to decide I wanted to go out to dinner with any one of y’all and could just hop a plane or summon the chauffer and make it happen. But, my happiness has been tempered by the fact that Mr. POSSLQ does NOT seem to have any friends locally and I would imagine that putting up with me day in and day out is enough to make anyone want to take a break. If only for there to be someone for him to hoist a beer with and say (with an eyeroll) “women” with that dismissive huff after it.

So, I was excited back when one of the guys I work for asked me to ask Mr. POSSLQ if he’d like to go sailing. I thought it’d be a good way for him to get out and meet people, do something fun and have the opportunity to do something other than work and hang out with me. Because I REALLY think Mr. POSSLQ would rather NOT go to the mall or shopping with me (his propensity for lewd gestures in the brassiere dept. tipped me off to his being less than thrilled to be there). I thought that something good and manly would be fun for him. And I really did think he enjoyed it. Except… I was totally wrong.

So… I’m not sure what to do now. Because I don’t want to be going off and doing things with my new friend and leaving him home alone and I know he won’t want to come along. But I don’t want him to do something that he doesn’t enjoy because he thinks it makes me happy (and it did..until I found out that he doesn’t enjoy it). And I would suggest he get together with my new friend’s husband except for NFH likes to golf and I am about 99% sure that Mr. POSSLQ has less than zero interest in golfing.

I guess “whatever makes you happy” usually ends up being something that makes everyone involved UNHAPPY. And I guess that I really need to accept that nothing I do is ever going to make Mr. POSSLQ’s life happier.

Accomplishment Anorexia

2011-04-17T22:01:00.004-05:00

Today I totally took apart the cat's water fountain and cleaned it, did 4 sinkfuls of dishes, cleaned all of the equipment for the fizzies I made last weekend, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned off my desk and filed my sales & use tax forms.

Tonight as I sit here recapping what I got done this weekend (did the laundry yesterday), I feel as if I have accomplished nothing. I am discontent. I am disgusted with myself for having done so little when so much needed to get done.

This will be a busy week at work. Because Friday is Good Friday (plus the building we are housed in will be closed AND there will be no power in the building) I am off on Friday. So, I have 4 days to do 5 days worth of work. I need to get to the Post Office this week and I need to get to the Dollar Store and a Supermercado (Hispanic Grocery Store).

The "service engine soon" light had come back on in the car but as Mr. POSSLQ drove it this weekend, it went off. This just backs my theory that the car hates me and so things only go wrong when *I* drive it. I suspect it will come on again tomorrow as I drive to work or back home from work.

I have a birthday card to mail and it will be late. I need to get The Girl her Easter package (it will be late). I need to make several batches of stuff to put up on my website next weekend. The dishwasher is STILL not fixed (hence the multiple sinkfuls of dishes I washed) and Lord Only Knows when (if) it will be. I feel that no matter what I get done it isn't ENOUGH. I look at all that still needs to be done and wonder what the hell I did with all of my time (I went out and was social on Saturday and I shouldn't feel guilty about that but I DO). I had a nice time yesterday but then today I feel like maybe I should have stayed home and gotten some work done.

And in a more rational part of my brain, I realize that it is completely dysfunctional to look at my weekend as if I accomplished nothing. I DID get some things done. But all I can see is what was left UNDONE. I feel like this:

But even knowing that I got things done and shouldn't feel bad about my accomplishments, much like a person who is rail thin who feels like a beached whale... the logical and emotional sides of my brain have decided that they aren't speaking to each other. And so I promise myself I'll do better. Which doesn't get The Girl her package on time for Easter or get my vacuuming done but maybe makes me feel ok enough about things to get to sleep tonight.

I hope y'all had good weekends, Internetz. Goodnight!

Weekend Recap

2011-04-10T21:56:00.003-05:00

I got some things done this weekend. Made some bath fizzies and some oatmeal milk bath and washed the gray outta my hair (at least temporarily). Mr. POSSLQ went and got the car inspected so we are good for another year on that (Thankfully!)

I did not get tomatoes planted. Hell, I didn't even get the tomatoes PURCHASED. I did not get out and get the shopping done for The Girl's Easter Basket. I washed dishes by hand because our dishwasher is not working and they don't take maintenance requests over the phone, you have to go to the office and fill out the form so Lord only knows how long it will take them to fix it (after a week of it being non-functional, I finally got into the office on Saturday because they open after we leave for work and close before we get home). I am thinking we should have gotten a dish drying rack because I honestly don't expect them to fix the dishwasher any time soon.

Mr. POSSLQ says he will take the bus to work in the morning because he wants to be in early and let me get my beauty sleep. Goodness knows I NEED all of the beauty sleep I can get. I feel bad because if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd be unhappy that he would let me take the bus but I am not going to argue because I love my sleep.

We came close to getting some new critters this weekend. There were adorable dwarf hamsters at PetSmart (or, as Mr. POSSLQ quipped "cat snacks"). I wanted to get a couple, Mr. POSSLQ (preventer of crazy critter lady mania) pointed out that we hadn't yet done our grocery shopping and we couldn't very well leave them in the hot car and then we went shopping all the way across a busy street so it would be way too much of a hassle to get back to get them. He's clever that way. In my heart, though, I know that no matter what critters we get, they'll adore him and be indifferent to me and I'll just get my heart broken again. I'd really love to get a hedgehog but I'm pretty sure that THAT will happen right around the same time I win the lottery and buy my own house.

And.... I still like my job and feel very fortunate to have it but am a total wreck because my 90-day probationary period is up and we'll be doing a "review" soon and I HATE reviews because I admit it, I don't take criticism well. And pretty much every review I've ever had has ended with me feeling like I should just stick my head in the nearest oven because I'm a disappointment. And I really like this job and really don't want to hear that I am a disappointment but I can lay in bed and think of every stupid thing I have done since I started the job (which is probably WHY I need all that damned extra beauty sleep). So, I am sortve hoping things get busy and the review doesn't happen (no, there's no possibility of a raise). On a positive note, though, I did get approved to go to a seminar on HR law which I am excited about (yeah, only *I* would be excited about that).

Speaking of sleep, it's way past bedtime. Goodnight Internetz, have a stellar week!

Star-Struck...MsDarkstar-Style

2011-04-06T20:08:00.003-05:00

I know that there are lots of people who get all twitterpated over movie stars or singers... I honestly can't name one movie star or singer who gets me revved up but last night I did find a celebrity who raises my temperature a bit (in a GOOD way!)

Several weeks ago, I found out that Stephan Pastis, creator of the comic “Pearls Before Swine” was going to be in town doing a book signing. I LOVE “Pearls Before Swine” and had long lamented the fact that Stephan had never come to a city near me (well, at least not that he publicly admitted, who knows, maybe he hangs out here all the time…. doubtful, but you never know… we do have bars and pools here so it’s not inconceivable).

I left work 2 hours early, expecting that there would be a crowd at the bookstore and zipped down to pick up Mr. POSSLQ so we could go to the signing. I was also worried that they might run out of books as I had seen a number of posts on Facebook about people calling ahead and reserving their copy of the book but when I went to the store website they said that reserving the book was only necessary if you were not going to be able to make it to the book signing. When we got there, there was NOT yet a crowd but there were only 5 books left, so I am pretty proud of myself for thinking to get there early as we got both a book AND a place to sit down.

As it turned out, there was a HUGE crowd so I felt really lucky to have gotten a place to sit. Stephan talked a bit about being a cartoonist, about being a lawyer before he became a cartoonist and quite a bit about the comic itself. He also talked about some of the crazy mail he gets (mostly hate mail from people who are WAY too uptight and don't have a sense of humour) and letters to the editor written about “Pearls”. After he spoke, he took several questions and then people queued up for the book signing portion of the evening.

About a year ago, I’d called into a radio show he was on and he was kind enough to say he remembered me (I honestly didn’t expect him to have remembered, but it was really nice of him to say that he did). He did a drawing of Rat in my book and signed it, shook my hand and then the magic moment was over. I got to bask a while longer because he also signed (and drew a picture of Pig) in Mr. POSSLQ's book.

For someone who says he dislikes book signings, Stephan was amazingly gracious, allowing people to take pictures with him and everything.

And, you’d never know it from how he portrays himself in the strip, but I’m here to tell you… Stephan Pastis is a hottie!

Freakshow Friday

2011-04-01T11:41:00.001-05:00

I’m beginning to think that maybe Charlie Sheen, in all his completely insane glory, may be on to something with his “winning” mindset. I mean, he was making metric fucktons of money on a TV show (which, since I don’t own a TV, I never watched but from what I’ve seen in news reports it wasn’t exactly high art) and now he’s on the “Pay Attention To Me” tour (or whatever he’s calling it) for which I am sure he will receive ANOTHER metric fuckton of money which tells me that having delusions of grandeur is perhaps the key to happiness.

Or maybe being so whacked out that you don’t/can’t even comprehend how jacked up your life is may be the key. Whatever it is, people are talking about him and he’s getting interviews and going on late night talk shows kissing other dudes full on the lips (Jimmy Kimmel Show) and meanwhile I can’t even get readers in the double digits, so apparently insanity is really important to popularity. At least it garners media attention (which speaks to the whole “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” theory).

Now, perhaps Charlie Sheen isn’t the best example because the reality is that Charlie Sheen was someone people knew even before he went berserk. But there are oodles of bloggers who are running off to conferences that someone is paying for them to attend and they’re people no one had ever heard of before they started blogging (well, not “nobody” because I assume that they had families and friends and all, but, you know, they didn’t automatically have LEGIONS of rabid followers). There are Mommy bloggers who it seems spend more time at conferences than they do actually being Mommies. And I’m not faulting them for that, because I think many bloggers (myself included) hope to be “A-list” at some point. I think that there are probably some “A-list” bloggers who had no clue that they were going to find an audience and they just found their niche and found their voice and people started paying attention and told their friends and the next blogging phenom was born.

To be completely honest, I don’t quite know what niche I would fit into. I seem to have been a “fringe” person for pretty much my entire life. Never part of a group, not popular or pretty or cool or a jock or any of the things that get you attention in high school and I’ve really done nothing special with my life and yet I keep thinking that somehow there is a way for me to capture the hearts of readers and develop a loyal following and then get a bunch of “reviewing stuff” gigs and get sponsored to go to conferences, etc.

Maybe I should start another blog and write about my experiences as a non-custodial mother. I don’t know if I could handle the hate mail, though (and not ALL of it would come from the wasband, I’m sure) but maybe if I wrote it under a pseudonym…I suppose I couldn’t do that and get sponsorship because I’d have to admit to people who I really am and the whole idea of a pseudonym is that no one knows who you are. I mean Peter Parker doesn’t go around advertising he’s SpiderMan, does he?

So, there you have it… I am going to find a way to harness the crazy that is me and start “winning” and get to the big time. Or at least take a shot at it. Because if blogging (and tweeting and Facebooking) about your baby 24.7 (or it freakin’ seems like it sometimes) gets you to the A-list, being the villainous ex-wife, non-custodial mother has to get you to AT LEAST a C-list...(where I guess you might still be sponsored to go to conventions but you don’t get the tickets to the COOL parties and miss all the swag). And, hey… I may have found my next NaNoWriMo novel idea…!

Desperately Seeking Inspiration...

2011-03-24T20:26:00.002-05:00

I come and look at my blog here every day and try to think of what I can write about. What will make people want to come and read my blog? Most days I end up clicking away without having written a thing. Or I'll write something, then re-read it and delete it.

And yet, whether I write anything here or not, the world goes on. People are born and die and governments topple and are brought into being and not one thing of any importance hinges on whether I am here to chronicle it or not. What happens in my life is so inconsequential to what goes on in the world that I wonder sometimes if I should kick my internet addiction, just quit cold turkey and never look back.

But then.... I think of the friends I've made through the internet. And through blogging. And I realize that I really don't WANT to go away. I just want to feel like what I do matters. And I ruefully admit to myself that even at the age I am now, I DO care what people think and I want them to like me and that maybe if I didn't, I'd be happier.

I had more than one person ask me (people I know on Twitter, many of whom I know offline) why I even care what my Mom thinks of me and my life and whether my apartment was clean. If you want the 100% truth, I still hope that some time before my Mom leaves this life that she will be proud of me. I always wanted my grandparents to be proud of me and they died before it happened. My Dad.... well, NOTHING I do will EVER be good enough. I will ALWAYS be a disappointment to him. And even if, with false bravado I say I don't care, I do. I know it's silly or perhaps even asinine, but I do feel sad that I haven't been what my parents had hoped for. And that I've let them down is a key reason that I've never really tried too hard to find my biological parents because I really don't want to bear being a disappointment to even MORE people.

And now for something completely different...

I've had some ideas and am waiting on some things to arrive so I can work on them. I am determined to be ready to do some serious bath stuff selling for Mother's Day. I'll probably do a giveaway here, too. But first, I must get around to creating. More on this as I get things done (there are several experimental things I am trying, so I may have some interesting adventures/misadventures to relate).

Take care and if I don't catch up with you beforehand, have a stellar weekend!

Housekeeping

2011-03-19T12:53:00.002-05:00

I decided to re-do the look of my blog and I ended up dumping about 675 of 700 posts that were here. There are several reasons for this, not the least of which is that I am down to single digits for readers and that tells me that there is nothing here worth reading and I want to change that. While there is something to be said for blogging as a personal journaling device, there are other forums for doing that and why post things for all the internet to see if no one is going to look? It's sortve like having a burlesque show in a closet. Doesn't matter HOW sexy it is if no one sees it, right?

If I later regret this decision, I can always blame it on the "SuperMoon" (or whatever they're calling it) that is going on tonight... Apparently, the moon is not only going to be full but it will be closer to the Earth than normal. I know that there was talk of the impending "SuperMoon" causing the disturbances in Japan. Who knows, maybe it was Godzilla like the guys on the Morning Show I listen to were conjecturing.

I'm going to a party with my new friend tomorrow. It's an afternoon "lady" thing (no, we will not be making peace with our vajayjays whilst gazing at them in handmirrors...at least, I don't think so... maybe I should check with her). Mr. POSSLQ will (hopefully) be painting my toenails today because I think there's a prize for having painted toenails, so... hey... go with the flow, right? If nothing else, it gets me out of the house for a while. Mr.POSSLQ will be on a boat and while I do have things I could be doing at home, it's fun to have something social to do for a change.

I got some new ideas for bath stuff... don't know if I'll get to that this weekend (unlikely) but I will get around to it soon. My new friend makes related products, which I will likely write about in the fairly near future. If you have anything you'd suggest for inclusion in the blog, let me know.

Like riding a bicycle...?

2011-03-17T10:41:00.002-05:00

I may have mentioned that I’ve made a new friend. I don’t remember (I’m tired). Anyhoozles, I am excited to have a new friend but also a bit freaked out because it’s been a really long time since I had a friend who I could actually do things like go out to dinner with. I have to admit I have no clue what the “rules” are about friendships... like, um, how many times a day can you text message someone before they get a restraining order?

Last week was fine because we met for the first time for dinner on Thursday night and then my mom was here for the weekend so I didn’t really even have time to think too much about anything but making sure that the visit went well. Then we had lunch on Monday and we exchanged blog links. It was pretty easy to read her blog (because she only has one… well, at least one that I know about…) from start to finish and I feel like I know her much better having read her blog. And then I feel like a schmuck because my blog is really bland & boring in comparison. Oh heck, who am I kidding? I have a really bland and boring life. Which is ok because, really, who needs drama?

What I need to keep in mind is that this person has a life and the actual amount of time that I have to spend with anyone is pretty limited. And I am sure that I am just overthinking everything because it’s been a really long time since I had a friend like this (Goodness, that sortve makes me sound like some kind of freak… oh well, fly your freak flag if you must, right?)

I honestly haven't really had female friends since High School and then I only had a couple. I did have a couple of people that I considered friends in the interim but...in hindsight I think it was more that I WANTED to be friends than actual meaningful friendships. And being on the Mommy track sometimes puts you in a situation where having other moms around is nice and helpful but when the rubber hits the road, those folks are "mommy friends" which is like "work friends"... and, by that, I mean that your friendship may be "real" but there is a very narrow scope of when and how you interact. Janet, from High School, was the last friend I had that I talked about EVERYTHING with... well, the last FEMALE friend. Christopher (who I have spoken about here, mostly in memorium), was someone that I talked with about any and all topics. I don't know why it's easier for me to have male friends. And once you get to a certain age, most guys have girlfriends/wives who don't want their dude being close friends with some woman (I am a firm believer that men and women can be friends and not be doing the mattress mambo, unless you're a woman who is cozying up to MY man, in which case I will ALWAYS eye you suspiciously... yep, double standard and I know it).

So, Internetz…. Got any “being a good friend” advice?

Momma Weedy's Words of Wisdom

2011-01-06T02:22:00.002-06:00

That Woman didn't properly log off of her Internet tonight which means that I, Momma Weedy, can finally share my words of wisdom with all of you.

First off, I have been singing the Blues at 3AM lately because Mister Man, the love of my life, will not pet me at 3AM. He claims to be sleeping. What sort of poor time management skills is That Woman teaching him? Does he not know that a Goddess, such as myself, should be given food and affection at (MY) will? Hrumph!

Next, someone needs to tell that dolt of a "brother" of mine (the other cat who lives here) that cuddling with Mister Man is MY job and he needs to stop snuggling up and hogging all of the body heat. How am I supposed to properly loaf if his fuzzy buns are hogging all the prime real estate? Again, I say Hrumph!

The water in my fountain is not Evian. Now really, is that how things should be? I would settle for Perrier, I SUPPOSE but That Woman gives us (ugh) TAP WATER. TAP WATER, for ME? I must assert again... Hrumph!

Can we discuss the food situation in this house. I am not hand fed prime cuts of meat and poultry lovingly dipped in freshly made gravy. I have to eat something That Woman calls "Meow Mix" and to add insult to injury it's "Hairball Control" formula. AS IF! Does she REALLY think I would "harf" a hairball? No, THAT is what my idiot "brother" does and then he blames it on me (after being naughty and nibbling my hair so the hairball looks like *I* made it). Double Hrumph!

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go drink the (ugh) tap water from my fountain and start warming up for my 3AM singing. Can anyone tell me what a "cat-wetterer" is? Mister Man keeps saying he will get one if I keep up my 3AM singing and I want to know what color I should request.

There is no rest in the restroom....

2010-12-02T21:04:00.002-06:00

Being female, I can only address what happens in the women's restroom... for all I know, similar stuff happens in the men's restroom and I just don't know it.

You see, there is this interesting phenomenon whereby women don't want OTHER women, who are presumably in the restroom for the very same purpose to know that sometimes the activities that normally happen in a restroom are often accompanied by *blush* noises. And *gasp* odors.

I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what women who go to the restroom in groups are thinking because as soon as you get in there you usually stop talking and go about doing the business that brought you to the restroom in the first place and then there is the awkwardness of not wanting to be the one who noisily breaks wind because you KNOW it will come back to haunt you... "Remember that time we were at Chez Snootypants and you farted so loud it made the toilet ring??" is NOT something you want coming up when you are on a double date some time in the future.

But, face it... if you're in the restroom, particularly at work and there are 2 of you in there and you've just left a particularly loud or fragrant deposit, the last thing you want to do is have to stand there nonchalantly washing your hands as the other person stands there washing their hands and tries to hide their amusement/horror/shock.

I've heard noises in restrooms that have made me want to inquire as to whether the other person was ok. Seriously disturbing noises that makes me wonder if there will be a small animal drowning as the other person flushes.

The other gem is people who bring small children with them into the restroom. Children who are not aware (or don't care) that there is restroom etiquette. Children who will, in full volume "outdoor voices" say something like "SOMEONE IN HERE IS MAKING A REALLY STINKY POOPIE, HUH MOMMA??" or "WHY IS THAT LADY MAKING GRUNTY NOISES, MOMMA... DOES SHE HAVE A POOPOO STUCK??" and the bonus is when little kids try to peer either under the stall wall or under the door at you. And when their mother notices and says something they say something like "I wanted to see the stinky lady, momma"... If this happens, your only hope is to stay in the restroom for at least a half hour after you're done to avoid walking out and having the tyke recognize you and announce (again, in full volume "outdoor voices") "THAT'S THE STINKY POOPOO LADY, MOMMY... I BET SHE DIDN'T WASH HER HANDS!!" Which causes every woman (and several men) within earshot to turn and frown in the direction of the offender. This is when I find it a bonus if the restroom only has one of those craptastic air dryers because I can raise my still-moist hands and absolve myself of at least PART of the shame. "See, folks... wet hand... I washed..."

The other horror of public restrooms is being in the restroom with someone who is being ill. And by this I mean that there is vomit involved. I can't hear the noise associated with that without feeling pretty ill myself. And, let me tell you, in high school (a boarding school), you wanted to avoid the restrooms after lunch at all costs because it became bulimia central. These girls would have had a lettuce leaf and 40 glasses of water for lunch but that lettuce leaf put them over their 15 calorie allotment for the day and it HAD TO GO! And as a non-vomiter, I dreaded needing to use the restroom after lunch.

So, ladies... let's just remember that EVERYONE POOPS, ok? And guys, I sincerely hope there is less drama in your restrooms! If you ask me, I'd say that there is very little restful about the restroom!

Letter to a Friend

2010-11-24T23:59:00.002-06:00

Dear Christopher,

It's the night before Thanksgiving 2010. I am about 1000 miles away from where you are right now. You're in the hospital and, quite frankly, you aren't expected to leave the hospital... alive anyways. I hope you'll get to read this letter and we can laugh about what a sappy idiot I can be.

How we came to be friends is a story in itself. We were living in a horrible dive of an apartment and you and your friends moved in across the hall. Before you'd been there 24 hours, The Girl managed to find a meat cleaver in your moving boxes and we nervously joked about her channeling Lizzie Borden. One by one, your roommates moved on... new people came and went and it sometimes seemed like there was no hallway between our lives. When everything went to shit and you moved out of your apartment and came to stay "a few days" with us that turned into weeks, then months and sometimes I was a royal bitch, you weathered it well and good-naturedly.

I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I wondered if you'd ever move out, but then when you did, it was weird not having you around. Over the years you visited your mom, lived with your dad a while and then came back... everything picked up as if you'd never been gone. Even if we weren't talking constantly while you went about your travels, our friendship always picked up again like you'd been gone only a day or two. When you went off "up North", we kept planning on coming up and never go there... you eventually came back and things were "same as it ever was"...

For a decade and a half, you've been a part of my life...pretty much to the point where I don't remember any more what it was like to not be friends with you. You've seen me at my worst, you've seen me at something at least resembling my best, you've never (out loud anyways) been judgmental and always had an ear to listen, advice when it was relevant and a gentle (or not so gentle) foot to my posterior when I needed it. I know you'd be pissed that I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I write this and think you're clever for pulling this when you know it's not in my power to come up there and kick your ass.

Above all else, I wanted to thank you for your unwavering friendship. For not walking away when pretty much everyone else did. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye but we've always respected each other. Thanks so much for the friends you brought into my life.

And, if you do decide to check out and shuffle off the mortal coil, let me know what the other side is like. I figure if anyone can do that, you'll find a way. But know that you'll be missed, my friend.

Hugs and a tip o' the hat to Charon, should your paths cross,
MsDarkstar

SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7 - Review

2010-09-19T23:44:00.003-05:00

I've never been asked before to do a review of any product in this blog. I was pretty surprised when I opened my email this morning and saw a request to review 'SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7'**
Of course, I was very excited to be asked to do a review so I decided I'd give it a whirl and tell you what I found out!

If you are like me, you find things on the internet all the time that you want to save for some reason. Doing screen captures and having to save huge images and then edit them, especially if you are not a Photoshop™ master (I'm working on it, but have hours of practice before I'm any good at it). That's where the 'SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7' software tool comes in handy.

I downloaded the trial version and set out to see what it can do. It's really easy to learn to work with, just a couple of quick clicks and you can capture the image you want. And the product is under $20, so you won't need to make a huge investment to enjoy the benefits of this software.

So, what can you use this tool for? Well, let's say you see a pair of boots you like in an online sale flyer. Just use the 'SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7' to save a picture of them. You can save it on your computer and print it out later or if you have the ability to upload pictures to your PDA or Cellphone so when you're out shopping you can refer back to the picture. It's an excellent tool for bloggers (if you have a Flickr or Photobucket account, you can capture images quickly and easily).

Also, if you create things online (like, in Second Life) and have the difficulty that I do working with the in-world tools to take pictures, 'SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7' is a dream to work with.

I'm sure that there are a ton of other really cool/creative things you can do with this. I am imagining some really nice business uses (being able to capture a graph in a presentation without having to edit it out of the presentation, for instance). Also, if you've ever had to put together training materials and thought how nice it would be for your trainee to see what it is s/he would be (should be?) seeing on the screen as they work on something, this would be an EXCELLENT way to capture images quickly and easily to include in training materials!

I am looking forward to working with 'SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7' more and really putting it through its paces. If you are like me and use OneNote, it seems to be a really efficient way to be able to grab images and then just hold onto them in your OneNote.

In summary, 'SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7' is a very handy tool. Even in my brief exploration, I found several uses for it. It is easy to use and a breeze to install. Go check it out and give it a try!

Screen Capture Software

Review Disclosure**I was given a registration key for the software for my review of this product. This review is 100% my opinion and has not been edited or reviewed by anyone. I was not compensated in any other way for this product review. For the review, I used the trial version, not a full, registered version.

Warrior Wednesday

2010-08-25T18:27:00.001-05:00

Welcome to Warrior Wednesday, again.

There has always been a myth, probably fostered by the

HOLLYWOOD Media,

that “Sailors are all drunken brawlers & womanizers.” Nothing could be farther from the truth. Some of us don’t drink…

Where were you on 1 September 1983? I was on a ship in the Indian Ocean, one day out of Mombasa, Kenya. I know this because I have a memory touchstone that took place on that day. Much the same as the WTC attack on 9/11/2001 is a memory touchstone for others; my touchstone for 1 September 1983 is KAL 007. A civilian airliner, shot down by Soviet Union missiles. 289 lives, including 22 children were lost that day. Initially those commie bastards denied everything. But after damning international evidence, in the form of radio and radar confirmation, they admitted to shooting down the Korean Airliner. But with the caveat, that the plane was on a spy mission sent to probe and test the perimeter defense system of their airspace.

Then the US & Korea began a full scale search for the “BLACK BOX.” A job that was perfect for someone with my training and skill set. But I was thousands of miles away. And despite the fact that there were others with similar expertise, on scene, I was still frustrated to be so far removed from the action. And that’s when opportunity presented itself.

While moored pier side in Mombasa, getting ready to hit the beach for liberty, a merchant ship flying a Soviet flag pulled into port and moored in the berth just astern of ours. There were no words spoken. None were needed. Not even a wink or a nod. Five red blooded American seafarers went to the mess decks for supper, rather than indulge in a steak dinner at the beach side casino. Levi 501s and dark T shirts with cross trainers laced up tight were the uniform of the evening. No watches, no jewelry and no wallets. This was a goodwill ambassador mission. We were not interested in garnering any personal attention. Just a little pay back, if you know what I mean.

How do you pick out a bunch of Russians in a crowded bar? Easy! You stroll in casually and shout “Dasvidaniya” and then you kick the ever loving hell out of everyone who responds. That was the hoped for situation. But the first bar only had a bunch of civilians who looked at us with a puzzled stare when we tried it there. Same reaction in the 2^nd and 3^rd bars.

But in the 4^th bar things were different. The music from the juke box was some sort of Euro-Tech-Noir trash that was personally distasteful to my cultured Rock & Roll pallet. And once our eyes adjusted to the dim light, we saw there were 15 or so, Caucasian men at the far end of the bar. They were all chatting. But because the music was blaring, it was impossible to tell what they were talking about, or what language they were talking in. Just about then, Rick, my crazy redheaded friend from Dallas, shouted in the most remarkable Texas Drawl,

“Dasvidaniya, Y’all.”

And much to my amazement 4 or 5 of them looked at us a waved. John Wayne would have surely been proud of how we moved through that crowd. The element of surprise was fully in our favor. Add to that, the commies were still sitting down drinking brewskies, just like those people onboard KAL 007, when we lit into them. It was over before it really began. And the results were identical to the 007 incident. Only reversed, there were no Americans injured and no commies still in a vertical position. My friend Rick was in full berserker mode and had to be pulled off a commie who was still trying to crawl away.

But the truly remarkable thing was when the crowd in the bar gave us a standing ovation. They had just witnessed the UGLY American phenomenon at its worst. And rather than call the police, they offered to buy us drinks. Discretion being the better part of valor, we politely declined their invite and bid a fond farewell to the denizens of the night in Mombasa. But just in case someone took umbrage against our action, we split up and returned to the ship separately at different times. I haven’t lost one moment of sleep over that mission. In fact, I sleep better because of it. while other people pontificate, and rant about what America should do, in retaliation for that unprovoked attack on innocent civilians, I have it in my heart that I did something about it.

Isn’t that what you paid me to do?

KrippledWarrior@blogspot.com

Warrior Wednesday

2010-08-18T13:00:00.000-05:00

Port o’ CALL

HONG KONG; Continued

http://msdarkstar.blogspot.com/2010/08/warrior-wednesday_11.html

Let me show you some of the interesting things I found traveling the streets of Hong Kong.

The Bottoms Up is in the Wan Chai district, and is only one of hundreds of Night Clubs in the area. But like the sign says, Roger Moore charged through this bar in pursuit of Christopher Lee, in that movie.

As this is a family friendly warrior posting, I won’t put up pictures of what goes on inside the B.U. For that, you have to see the movie, or go to Hong kong.

In the Wan Chai, you can find even more night life. There’s even a CIRCLE K, and a bank, and a camera store. This is a cluster of commerce. With no rhyme or reason, the entire district is set up like a giant impulse buying display at the checkout line of K Mart.

That tall building in the background is the Hong Kong Port Authority Building (called The Port Hole Building, you’ll see why in a moment). It is an important landmark for Sailors and Marines on liberty in HK. The port Authority building is located next to the harbor landing, where crew members can catch a boat ride to the middle of the harbor, where their ships tie up. And the Star Ferry is also next to it.

From the top of Victoria Peak, you can take some breath taking photos of the night time light show that is Hong Kong. The lights in Hong Kong can be seen to light up the sky, from ships 100 miles at sea.

This Photo of Hong Kong is from the NASA web site. It gives a better idea of how much light is in the air. But Hong Kong is not like anything anywhere else. The crowds are not pushy or rude. And the people are friendly, but reserved.

This fancy building is The Hong Kong Bank of China. That distinctive Zigzag neon light pattern sets this building apart from all the rest in the night skyline. Even the lights of Las Vegas pale in comparison to the day to day lights of Hong Kong.

This is the Hong Kong Convention Center. It’s a world class event place, in a world leading location. When you book your next convention, skip Las Vegas, and go to Hong Kong. The beer is cold and the lights are on.

From the quarter deck on the mid watch, this is the sky line view of my favorite port o call. A port visit to Hong Kong is called a “MAX LIBERTY VISIT.” The Navy wants to project a positive image to the world. So there is no top side work (Painting, loading or storing). And all electronic emissions are kept to an absolute minimum. There is no radar, or weapons guidance systems energized. If a crew member does not have duty, his/her time is their own. Sailors belong on ships. And ships belong at sea. And a day in port is a day wasted. So a one week stay in Hong Kong, takes about 2-3 weeks for the back log of work to be caught up. Just so you don’t go thinking all the Navy does is party in Hong Kong.

This is the very prestigious University of Hong Kong. Mostly business and science programs.

The Hong Kong Government House (note the Port hole building in the background).

This is looking up at the Port Authority Building (do you see why we call it the Port Hole building?) It is 85 stories high. And it’s covered in port holes.

This is the Victoria peak tram. It is the only way that I know, to get to the top of Victoria Peak. If you look closely at the front of the tram, you will see the tow cable that pulls the tram to the top of the hill. Due to the steep angles of the hill and the perfectly vertical buildings, the view, from inside the tram, can cause vertigo. But what you see from the top is worth the temporary discomfort.

If you get away from downtown, you’ll see that there is much more to Hong Kong, than the hustle and bustle of the modern city.

You just have to be willing to look around some.

I never learned the name of this building. But when my nephew saw the picture, he called it “The Transformer Building.” It sounded good to me.

I have a few more things to show you. But you’ll have to come back next Warrior Wednesday to see the rest. Until then enjoy the day.

Krippledwarrior.blogspot.com

Improv & Mortification... A Saturday Night Tale

2010-08-14T23:19:00.002-05:00

As I posted earlier today, about a month ago (before I knew I was being dejobbed) a cow-irker had been hawking tickets to an Improv Night that was being held at (but, she said, not sponsored by) her church. I was being "a team player" and bought tickets. Tonight (Saturday) was the night of the event. I know that there are many people who would have decided, especially after all that happened at that particular job, that they were not going to attend an event that they knew former cow-irkers would be at.

But, I am me. And I knew that this particular person would be absolutely mortified if I showed up. And I am shamelessly putting it out there that knowing that made my determination to get to the event very strong indeed.

Now, I am going to be very clear in the fact that I had absolutely no plan in participating in any sort of horrifying behavior, I wasn't going to pull a prank, I wasn't going to do something in particular to humiliate my former co-worker. Just the fact that I was THERE was what would mortify her. Remember, I'm now in the South and there are RULES here in the South. And my showing up is going to result in THIS PHRASE being uttered on Monday morning where I used to work... "Can you BELIEVE that she had the NERVE to SHOW UP??" And the answer to that is "you're darn tootin, lil Missy!"

So, Mr. POSSLQ and I arrived at the venue early. Cow-irker #1 shows up, walks right past without a word (we were sitting where we couldn't be missed). Cow-irker #2 shows up and walks right past, as well. So, yeah, I was outright ignored. What they didn't really notice was that I could see them talking to each other and looking at me.

We went into the event hall... We sat in the back and we were not anywhere near where they were sitting. At intermission time, they were going out for a snack or to use the Ladies Room and they came over and said hi... in that really sortve stilted, forced-smile way that people do when you know that they feel OBLIGATED to do something that they don't want to do (you know, like, kiss Great Aunt Edna on the cheek at the Family Reunion because your Mom reminds you that she's a rich old widow lady with no children of her own anymore..)

The Improv Night itself was very enjoyable. The "headliner" comedy act was a "Yankee" and there were a couple of jokes that he told that I think Mr. POSSLQ and I may have been the only ones in the room to understand.

In other news, I had one order for bath fizzies come in on Friday and an order for lip balm come in today (Saturday) and both have been mailed. I have another package that will go out on Monday.

That's all for tonight... more tomorrow (Coffeehouse Sunday? We shall see!)

Warrior Wednesday

2010-08-04T19:23:00.000-05:00

Since the last

WARRIOR WEDNESDAY

Was such a big success, I’ve decided to choose my own topic and try not to bore you to tears in the process. My warfare designation is ESWS (Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist). It means exactly what it says. I was an enlisted man (not an officer). I was stationed aboard surface warships. I was extensively trained, tested and certified in all warfare systems on the class of ships known as Destroyers and Frigates. If anyone on the ship were to be killed in battle, I was qualified to fill in their shoes. Be it a small arms sharpshooter, or a damage control repairman/firefighter. In the USN every person assigned to shipboard service must be a firefighter.

My rank/rate designation, when I retired was

STGCS (SW)

It means Senior Chief Petty Officer, Sonar Technician. Surface Warrior. A pretty big mouthful, so shipmates called me

“SENIOR CHIEF” or just “SENIOR” To my face. And the term had no connotation regarding age or time in service. In fact most places I served, I was usually of of the younger members at my rank. If I were to tell you that I was always advanced in rank, earlier than others ho were in consideration for advancement, it would be true. But incredibly boastful, and that’s not true. My claim to fame in that vein, was Everyone who I worked for, and who worked for me, was advanced in rank. It may have been merely that I was fortunate enough to have always served with extremely talented people. But I have letters of commendation that agree with my version of the story.

Sonar Technician…

SONAR means Sonic Navigation And Ranging. If you saw the Movie “The Hunt For Red October” and if you recall the character JONES, he was a Sonar Technician. And if he were a real person, he was either, me, or worked for me or was trained by me. At any one point in time, there are about 2,000 STs in the entire Navy. We are a very tight knit group. And there is only one training facility for us in the entire world. And you can’t be an ST without having been trained at;

FLEASWTRACENPAC, San Diego, California.

And the entire four years of shore duty I served, were all at the Fleet Anti Submarine Warfare Training Center, Pacific teaching the craft you saw in that movie. If you haven’t seen the movie, SEE IT, NOW, chowder head. But if you choose to read the book instead, that works too. Just know that Tom Clancy says on the back of the book, that it was so accurate in its depiction, that congress debriefed him when it was released. You see, our particular skill set requires a SECRET clearance just to get into the 101 level training. I’ve read the book. And if what Mr. Clancy says about congress is true. I can tell you this much; Congress doesn’t know jack about ASW…

I can tell you this much, you must understand Oceanography and the physics of sound propagation in seawater, for starters. But if I tell you more than that, It’ll bore you to death.

Next Warrior Wednesday “Port of Call, Hong Kong…

Warrior Wednesday

2010-07-28T06:18:00.002-05:00

WELCOME TO THE FIRST EVER
WARRIOR WEDNESDAY.

I am your host, the KrippledWarrior. At the request of Ms Darkstar, I have agreed to give a little insight on the subject of warriors. I must apologize for not knowing my audience here. I have been involved in a bit of trouble at my own blog. And I haven’t had the chance to come and check some of your blogs, to prepare. So, I’ll start at the ground floor and work up.

What is a warrior? That question has several answers. But context is everything. There are week end warriors, people who live to party and exercise their liberties, from knock off on Friday until revile on Monday morning.

Then there are Road Warriors; those poor bastages who spend a major portion of their month travelling to do business. Sometimes long haul truckers and motorcycle enthusiasts consider themselves “Road Warriors.” But in the business world, the name is used to describe a travelling sales person, a guy or gal with an iPhone, laptop, a brief case and a business class airline ticket. As a Retired US Navy Senior Chief Petty Officer, with 17 years of sea duty under my belt, this amuses me greatly. During those 17 years, I celebrated my birthday 16 times, either at sea, or in a foreign port. And the one time I was in home port, I had duty, and spent the day and night aboard ship.

Then there are Prayer Warriors, those men and women who have faith in a God who hears and answers the requests of those who have faith enough to ask for His help and intervention.

And lastly, the Warrior, a man who makes his living buy making war on his chosen enemies. From the barbarian hoards of, and the warrior society of the Spartans, from the legions of the to the invaders of the steppes, the Mongols, warriors have been the most studied part of world history. And only second to Love, war and those who make war, are the largest poem influence.

Lines like; “On Flanders Field, where poppies grow.” And “Cannons to the left of me.” “Into the valley of death, rode the six hundred.” And “Listen my children and you shall hear…” and the entire epic poems by Homer “The Iliad” and “The Odyssey.” And from the very first story written in the English language, “Beowulf,” Warriors have fascinated the imagination.

I am a warrior of the last two groups. I believe in an Almighty God, who hears my prayers and answers them. I’m not here to debate this with you. What you choose to believe is on you. But you will be in my prayers, regardless. I’m here to tell you about the classic warrior. The man who spent the better part of his life, 21 years, 5 months and 8 days, living out and oath to uphold and defend the constitution of The United States, against all enemies, foreign and domestic, to provide you the liberties you may take for granted.

It was a pleasure to do it. I’d do it again in a second, with no hesitation or delay. I loved it. No one can do anything for that long, and be so successful at it, without loving it. I went from an intelligent hard charging young man, born and raised in the pine forests of coastal North Carolina, to the guardian of country-region’s freedom in very short order. Before my 23^rd birthday, I was in charge of twenty men, and a half billion dollars worth of electronic weaponry, including the shipboard computer that was capable of firing Nuclear Weapons.

On that subject, I am still bound by law to say this;

“I can neither confirm, nor deny, the presence or absence of nuclear weapons, aboard any vessel or installation in the United States Navy. And repeated request about such information will be reported to the proper military and federal authorities.”

The Navy recruiting motto in 1973, when I enlisted, was “JOIN THE NAVY, AND SEE THE WORLD.” As it turned out that was a promise, not just a motto. I have walked on every continent, but Antarctica. My travels drawn on the globe, produce an unbroken line that circumnavigates the earth. I am prepared to provide anything you’d like to hear, from war at sea, the history of warfare , the places I’ve seen and the people I’ve known. Just leave my lovely hostess, Ms Darkstar, a comment asking what you’d like to hear, and if she approves it, I’ll tell it.

So, until next WARRIOR WEDNESDAY,

“Fair Winds and Following seas.”

That’s Navy Speak for Good night Internetz…

Warmup Warrior Wednesday

2010-07-21T21:12:00.003-05:00

Next week, I'll have a new feature. It's called Warrior Wednesday.

Next week's Wednesday post will be provided by my friend, KrippledWarrio r. What will it be about? I have no idea. What I can tell you is that he will provide the entry and I will post it. Short backstory to how this came about... A week or so ago, he was contemplating leaving the blogosphere. I had offered him a forum here if he wanted it. As it turned out, he decided to keep blogging over at his blog (YAY!) and still took me up on my offer. And I am happy to have him here. Will he write every Wednesday? I have no idea about that, either. And sometimes, going with the flow is exactly what MsDarkstar needs to be doing, so... I am.

The connections we make in this world are wonderful so much of the time. I found KW through comments on another blogger's blog. Eventually I wandered on over to his blog. It's not the sort of blog I normally read, I'll be honest about that. But I felt very welcomed and I have learned about all sorts of things reading his blog. His comments and the occasional email pretty much sealed my adoration of the man. More than once when I've been having an absolutely horrible day, I'll find one of his comments waiting for me and it immediately buoys my spirits.

I am truly looking forward to this collaboration. And if anyone else has something they'd like to post somewhere that's not their own blog (maybe you think you'll offend your regular readers or maybe you want to do something that's not a fit for the genre your blog usually fits into, give me a shout). Maybe in exchange for your posts, I can provide the goods for a giveaway of my bath goodies/lip balms for your readers. Maybe we could collaborate on a "signature scent" that I'll sell in my online store.

I'm just looking for ways to branch out, to make things more interesting and to share the talent I know exists in the blogosphere. And I am very proud that Warrior Wednesdays will be coming starting next Wednesday!

Goodnight Internetz!!

I wish I wasn't so easily distrac.....OOOH! SHINY!

2010-07-19T22:48:00.002-05:00

I've said here more than once that I am highly distracted when doing things when I know there are other things that need to be done (you need to know that in the typing of the sentence before the parentheses started, I did three other things, one of which involved getting up and walking entirely out of the room...)

Back when I was growing up, no one had A.D.D. (well, I am sure they probably did, but no one called it that). If you were someone who couldn't pay attention, you were a "daydreamer", "flighty" or, in some extreme cases, it was assumed that you were simply lazy and/or stupid. I've been tested for "adult A.D.D." and my score indicated that, yes, I have a problem. However, I've never had the insurance coverage to try to do anything about it via either behavioral therapy or medication. I just have to live with it.

Don't get me wrong. I CAN be VERY engaged and focused, at times. I can function in the workplace. But there are times when I just CANNOT stay on task. And then there are the sleep problems because my brain will NOT SHUT UP. So, I can lie in bed. I can even LOOK LIKE I am sleeping. But I do not get much actual rest because my brain is going a mile a minute and it's like flipping through radio stations... bits and pieces of "stuff" floating into my consciousness but I can't focus on any of it because there is just SO MUCH going on. (Ok, right after I typed that, I checked my email AND Facebook... I'm sorry)

This constant motion in my brain actually works out ok for me at most jobs because I can start Project A, get interrupted, answer the phone, do a task related to the call, start Project B, make copies, get coffee, finish Project A, answer the phone, talk to a client, sign for a package, answer 2 more calls, take messages, resume Project B, go use the ladies room, work more on Project B while answering the phone and sorting faxes... I don't NEED to work on a project from start to finish to be ok.

So, tonight I really SHOULD HAVE worked on day job stuff that I brought home to work on but Mr. POSSLQ queued up Hell's Kitchen and I hate missing an episode in a series like that because the dynamics are cumulative. (Just clicked away to look at last week's work timesheet)

I'm pretty bummed out that I didn't hear anything about the potential new job. I know that most of the time, the more time that goes by, the more likely it is that the outcome will not be in my favor. (Clicked away and looked up a couple of things via Google... see, it really is pretty bad...)

And so, mind racing, feeling a bit blue, I head off to bed. Hopefully sleep will come. Goodnight Internetz.

~~ Darkstarian Discourse & Diversions ~~

Yet Another Wild Saturday Night...

Days of Wine and Rhinos

So late I almost forgot a title

Sliding into the weekend...

No Holiday For Me

Friday the 13th

Favorite Things

That Which Does Not Kill Me...

Where to begin...

I'm BACK!

Living on Borrowed Internet

Blue Christmas

So this is Christmas...

The Party That Wasn't

I don't know the way....

Time is getting away from me...

Late Goodbye

Something to believe in...

Where I've been...

Another Late Night Brain Dump...

Shaping up to be a busy week...

Creativity Killer

November = No Sanity

Let the negotiations begin...

This Week's Goal

A picture = priceless

Gibralter I Am Not

Weekend Recap

Dropping the ball

Progress, Positivity, Possibilities

Finding the new normal...

It's life... but not as I've known it...

Civil Unrest

Up in the air...

A change will do me good?

Changes - The Ball Is Rolling

Things can calm down any time...

Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post

Loaf In Peace, Momma Weedy

Insomniac Rambling...

Just a snippet...

66 Highway Blues

No Mystery Why I Am Tired...

Runaway Train of Thought...

I let my brain wander (and it didn't come back...)

Nothing...it's what's for dinner...

Change

Time to Go The F*ck to Sleep!

The Tomato Diaries - To Bee or Not to Bee?

The Tomato Diaries - Transplanting

The Tomato Diaries - The Deluge

Somewhat Non-Slacker Sunday

Momma Weedy's Wisdom II

Friend Ship Sunk?

The Tomato Diaries - Day One

Weekend Started Early

Still here... Post-Rapture Post

A few random thoughts...

Wrestling Charlie Sheen

Life Labyrinth

Stressful Weekend

May Day

Beauty Duty - Ten on Tuesday

It's NOT snowing!

If It Makes You Happy....

Accomplishment Anorexia

Weekend Recap

Star-Struck...MsDarkstar-Style

Freakshow Friday

Desperately Seeking Inspiration...

Housekeeping

Like riding a bicycle...?

Momma Weedy's Words of Wisdom

There is no rest in the restroom....

Letter to a Friend

SnapIt Screen Capture 3.7 - Review

Warrior Wednesday

Warrior Wednesday

Improv & Mortification... A Saturday Night Tale

Darkstarian Discourse & Diversions