That Woman didn't properly log off of her Internet tonight which means that I, Momma Weedy, can finally share my words of wisdom with all of you.
First off, I have been singing the Blues at 3AM lately because Mister Man, the love of my life, will not pet me at 3AM. He claims to be sleeping. What sort of poor time management skills is That Woman teaching him? Does he not know that a Goddess, such as myself, should be given food and affection at (MY) will? Hrumph!
Next, someone needs to tell that dolt of a "brother" of mine (the other cat who lives here) that cuddling with Mister Man is MY job and he needs to stop snuggling up and hogging all of the body heat. How am I supposed to properly loaf if his fuzzy buns are hogging all the prime real estate? Again, I say Hrumph!
The water in my fountain is not Evian. Now really, is that how things should be? I would settle for Perrier, I SUPPOSE but That Woman gives us (ugh) TAP WATER. TAP WATER, for ME? I must assert again... Hrumph!
Can we discuss the food situation in this house. I am not hand fed prime cuts of meat and poultry lovingly dipped in freshly made gravy. I have to eat something That Woman calls "Meow Mix" and to add insult to injury it's "Hairball Control" formula. AS IF! Does she REALLY think I would "harf" a hairball? No, THAT is what my idiot "brother" does and then he blames it on me (after being naughty and nibbling my hair so the hairball looks like *I* made it). Double Hrumph!
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go drink the (ugh) tap water from my fountain and start warming up for my 3AM singing. Can anyone tell me what a "cat-wetterer" is? Mister Man keeps saying he will get one if I keep up my 3AM singing and I want to know what color I should request.